Gatesy: It's not as easy as it looks to do what we do,
To be a...
Yon and Gatesy: ... hero...
Gatesy: ... and a role...
Yon and Gatesy: ... model...
Gatesy: To every young Australian.
Yon and Scod: To have the hopes and dreams of millions on our shoulders,
Tripod: To be the shining paragon of Western c**tural achievement.
Yon: I know it's hard to believe,
Scod: It's actually us in the flesh and blood.
Gatesy: But don't be overwhelmed, 'cause...
Tripod: It's okay,
You don't have to be scared.
Come right up and touch us,
It's okay.
Please don't actually touch us,
That was just an example.
To demonstrate that we're human too.
Gatesy: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, here,
We're going to be asking you the big questions.
Who are you? What are you capable of? What is your PIN number?
Scod: Important questions, people; the answers to which will go with you through life.
Like the big one - is it possible in life, really, on every level, to truly succeed?
Well, look at us.
Gatesy: It's okay.
Yon and Scod: Ooh, don't you know it's okay?
Tripod: You don't have to be...
Yon and Scod: Scared...
Gatesy: You don't have to be scared.
Gatesy: You might be looking at us, thinking, "Well, what have they got that I haven't got?
What's put them where they are today?"
"Was it luck?"
Yon and Scod: No!
Gatesy: "Was it self-belief?"
Yon and Scod: No!
Gatesy: "Was it talent?"
Scod: f*** no!
Gatesy: No, it was a rich aunt who pumps money into the act, week after week, and asks for nothing in return.
Yon: Nothing in return? Well, I have to go to her house every Friday and smear Vegemite all over her...
Gatesy: (Trying to drown Yon out) LA LA LA LA!
La la... la...
La la...
(Long pause)
Yon: ... toast.
(Long pause)
Yon: Then I have s** with her.
(Reactions from audience)
Yon: You all wanted it!
(Long pause)
Gatesy: So as you leave this show tonight, think of your aura.
Will you buy a t-shirt...
Tripod: ... or a...
Gatesy: ... CD...
Tripod: ... or a...
Gatesy: ... video...
Tripod: ... or a...
Gatesy: ... poster?...
Scod: ... or a...
Yon and Scod: Cherish your dreams,
Scod: And like a flower, they will blossom.
But don't tell...
Tripod: ... anyone your dreams 'cause they sort of tend to trail off and be boring.
Scod: Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the place where impersonations... near enough is good enough... s***gy!
Gatesy and Scod: It's okay.
Yon: (s***gy) When I was a child,
I dreamed of doing this.
Well, not exactly this,
But something similar.
Gatesy and Scod: It's okay.
Yon: I'd try the Jazz Ballet,
And callisthenics,
And watch the videos,
Of Annie Lennox.
And so you ask me now,
Why am I saying this?
I cannot tell you though,
It is a secret.
(Scod stops playing)
Yon: (s***gy) Why have you stopped?
(Getting gradually less comprehensible) Keep playing... I need to...
It doesn't sound good when I just talk...
I have to be singing...
(Sings a line)
Yon: You see, you see what I mean?
If I sing, it sounds fine.
But if I just talk, it just sounds like this.
They're starting to think I'm not s***gy.
Can you just... one more?
(Pause)
Tripod: Come right up and touch us,
It's okay.
Stay there, we'll bring it over,
Close your eyes and put your hand out.
To demonstrate that we're human like you and me...
Scod: We're human like meeeee...
To be a...
Yon and Gatesy: ... hero...
Gatesy: ... and a role...
Yon and Gatesy: ... model...
Gatesy: To every young Australian.
Yon and Scod: To have the hopes and dreams of millions on our shoulders,
Tripod: To be the shining paragon of Western c**tural achievement.
Yon: I know it's hard to believe,
Scod: It's actually us in the flesh and blood.
Gatesy: But don't be overwhelmed, 'cause...
Tripod: It's okay,
You don't have to be scared.
Come right up and touch us,
It's okay.
Please don't actually touch us,
That was just an example.
To demonstrate that we're human too.
Gatesy: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, here,
We're going to be asking you the big questions.
Who are you? What are you capable of? What is your PIN number?
Scod: Important questions, people; the answers to which will go with you through life.
Like the big one - is it possible in life, really, on every level, to truly succeed?
Well, look at us.
Gatesy: It's okay.
Yon and Scod: Ooh, don't you know it's okay?
Tripod: You don't have to be...
Yon and Scod: Scared...
Gatesy: You don't have to be scared.
Gatesy: You might be looking at us, thinking, "Well, what have they got that I haven't got?
What's put them where they are today?"
"Was it luck?"
Yon and Scod: No!
Gatesy: "Was it self-belief?"
Yon and Scod: No!
Gatesy: "Was it talent?"
Scod: f*** no!
Gatesy: No, it was a rich aunt who pumps money into the act, week after week, and asks for nothing in return.
Yon: Nothing in return? Well, I have to go to her house every Friday and smear Vegemite all over her...
Gatesy: (Trying to drown Yon out) LA LA LA LA!
La la... la...
La la...
(Long pause)
Yon: ... toast.
(Long pause)
Yon: Then I have s** with her.
(Reactions from audience)
Yon: You all wanted it!
(Long pause)
Gatesy: So as you leave this show tonight, think of your aura.
Will you buy a t-shirt...
Tripod: ... or a...
Gatesy: ... CD...
Tripod: ... or a...
Gatesy: ... video...
Tripod: ... or a...
Gatesy: ... poster?...
Scod: ... or a...
Yon and Scod: Cherish your dreams,
Scod: And like a flower, they will blossom.
But don't tell...
Tripod: ... anyone your dreams 'cause they sort of tend to trail off and be boring.
Scod: Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the place where impersonations... near enough is good enough... s***gy!
Gatesy and Scod: It's okay.
Yon: (s***gy) When I was a child,
I dreamed of doing this.
Well, not exactly this,
But something similar.
Gatesy and Scod: It's okay.
Yon: I'd try the Jazz Ballet,
And callisthenics,
And watch the videos,
Of Annie Lennox.
And so you ask me now,
Why am I saying this?
I cannot tell you though,
It is a secret.
(Scod stops playing)
Yon: (s***gy) Why have you stopped?
(Getting gradually less comprehensible) Keep playing... I need to...
It doesn't sound good when I just talk...
I have to be singing...
(Sings a line)
Yon: You see, you see what I mean?
If I sing, it sounds fine.
But if I just talk, it just sounds like this.
They're starting to think I'm not s***gy.
Can you just... one more?
(Pause)
Tripod: Come right up and touch us,
It's okay.
Stay there, we'll bring it over,
Close your eyes and put your hand out.
To demonstrate that we're human like you and me...
Scod: We're human like meeeee...