X-M@S Lyrics

There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up with candy canes and b****
Those carollers have kept me up for hours
It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
Now I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing
But there's one d*** holiday that I can't stand
It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But it'll surely make a fool out of every man

If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah
And all you m************ go to hell
If I ain't c***-eyed it ain't Quanza
Joy to the world of Jack & c**es
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
'Cuz I ain't ever anything but broke
Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are f****** infantile

I think we collectively as a people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world let's buy some peace and quiet for a change
Before we spend it all on f****** toys
So... If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah
Fa-la-la-la-la GO f*** YOURSELF
If I ain't c***-eyed it ain't Quanza
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
So leave this god d*** scrooge the f*** alone

Merry f****** Christmas

(Hi Simon)