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Cantina Lyrics

Well i went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell, ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
But then i saw that there Cantina
I'll go in for an Orangia
I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?
Well i walked through the door and the music stopped
All manner of man and beast were staring at me
Seems just one week before
Their Twi-Lex slave girl walked out the door
And i guess i was the next best thing they'd seen

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it dont mean you're weak
Cause you turned the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
My a*** he destroyed and now i got me hemorrhoids
They had to wrench him off my nuts with a Gaffi bar

I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo
I'd have never guessed that pirate was a h***
I woke up next to Chewbacca I was smeared in Wookie Caca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it dont mean you're weak
Cause you turned the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Old Salacious Crumb's so small ya can't detect him
Before i knew it he shoved himself straight in my r*****
And then, just to be heinous he screamed real loud out of my a***
Now i got an a*** car alarm and i can't disconnect 'em

Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that sucker 'till it wasn't so teenie
He took me into Jabba's hut. He stared intently at my b***
And he oo-ta-too-ta'd me with me Zucchini
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it dont mean you're weak
Cause you turned the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man
Take it away boys!

Well a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you"
I said "sorry". He said "I dont like ya neither ya better watch yourself"
And then some old dude who taught Vader chopped his arm off with a saber
But later made for one red hot a*** invader...ow!

I was broken on the floor beat to a stooper
But then i was saved! There at the door were 10 Stormtroopers
But then my hopes faded away. I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns stormtrooping me in the p***er

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it dont mean you're weak
Cause you turned the other cheek
Which is why i still go there every week
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BiTrektual (2012)
Bitrektual The Trouble with Tribbles Screw the Ocampa The Sexy Data Tango The U.S.S. Make Shit Up Poopin' on the Enterprise (a Monologue) Worf's Revenge Yoda (a Monologue) Cantina Damn You, George Lucas! (a Monologue) Docking Bay 94 It's Bigger on the Inside Expendable Bitrektual (Outro)