Never been to school, I've never been to college
Sooner be dead than stuff me 'ead with a load of useless knowledge
I never couldn't see no point in 'istory
Cuz I weren't there, so I don't care, so don't tell I tell 'ee!
Don't tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folks do cuss and start to fuss
Dont tell I tell 'ee
Young Sarah Jones one day, got in the family way
Her father come with a gurt big gun, said "Ee, you'll have to pay"
He chased I up a tree, I 'ollered "Leave I be!
I 'appen to know, t'were old Fred Snow, so don't blame I blame 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folk do swear and tear their hair
Don't tell I tell 'ee
I took a ride one night, a PC hove inside
He made it up because I've got no brakes, no bell, no light
"I'll sling the book at 'ee" that copper said with glee
I said "Sling all you like, 'tis your dad's bike, so don't tell I tell 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folks do fuss and start to cuss
Dont tell I, tell 'ee
I got a lift to town, from good old Farmer Brown
In a ten-ton truck wi' a load o' muck, and when 'e set us down
A drink we did agree, it would be good for we
The barmaid rolled, she 'eld 'er nose, I said "Don't smell I, smell 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
Thats my philosophy
When folk do swear and tear their hair
Dont tell I tell 'ee
So vicar came along, 'ee said "You know 'tis wrong
You gets tight on a Friday night", I answered 'ee real strong
"Now parson, you'll agree. The Lord created me
And I'm afraid tis 'ow I'm made, so dont tell I, tell 'ee!"
Sooner be dead than stuff me 'ead with a load of useless knowledge
I never couldn't see no point in 'istory
Cuz I weren't there, so I don't care, so don't tell I tell 'ee!
Don't tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folks do cuss and start to fuss
Dont tell I tell 'ee
Young Sarah Jones one day, got in the family way
Her father come with a gurt big gun, said "Ee, you'll have to pay"
He chased I up a tree, I 'ollered "Leave I be!
I 'appen to know, t'were old Fred Snow, so don't blame I blame 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folk do swear and tear their hair
Don't tell I tell 'ee
I took a ride one night, a PC hove inside
He made it up because I've got no brakes, no bell, no light
"I'll sling the book at 'ee" that copper said with glee
I said "Sling all you like, 'tis your dad's bike, so don't tell I tell 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folks do fuss and start to cuss
Dont tell I, tell 'ee
I got a lift to town, from good old Farmer Brown
In a ten-ton truck wi' a load o' muck, and when 'e set us down
A drink we did agree, it would be good for we
The barmaid rolled, she 'eld 'er nose, I said "Don't smell I, smell 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
Thats my philosophy
When folk do swear and tear their hair
Dont tell I tell 'ee
So vicar came along, 'ee said "You know 'tis wrong
You gets tight on a Friday night", I answered 'ee real strong
"Now parson, you'll agree. The Lord created me
And I'm afraid tis 'ow I'm made, so dont tell I, tell 'ee!"