Margaret Thatcher talkin on TV,
looks so sincere as she says to me,
There'd be no unemployment if,
you all used a bit of initiative
I was on the dole I was broken bored
Says I, I'd take her at her word
Got a loan from the credit union man,
And bought meself a transit van.
Me next step up the ladder now,
I bought meself an auld fat sow,
Cross the border quite legally?,
Collected a common market subsidy,
Signed all the forms and handed back the pen.
Smuggled the sow back home again,
Ten times a day I worked this plan,
Meself, and the sow, and the transit van,
Travel sickness the sow picked up,
Says I, it's time to diversify,
Took all me money from the biscuit tin,
Filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin,
Around the South me wares I'd sell,
In public houses and hotels,
There was never a guard nor a customs man,
Put his nose inside the transit van,
At festivals and fleadhs and fairs,
If the craic was good you'd find me there,
At all big matches in Croke Park,
And I danced with Springstein in the dark,
I fought with the tinkers in Ballinasloe,
I danced on streets around Listowell,
Mothers had their daughters warned,
Stay well away from the transit van,
It being Lent and the drink trade slow
I took to carrying video
While on the road to Ballybay
Found a customs roadblock in me way
To face the border I got her turned,
The engine roared and the tires burned,
Five patrol cars fully-manned,
Were in hot pursuit of the transit van
Through Clontbrit I did go, I was heading for the county Mayo,
Round the corner I hit a dog,
Went over the ditch landed in the bog,
I sat on a bank watched all I owned,
Sinkin in a bog hole like a stone,
She was lying on the roof with the wheels still turning,
And the stereo playing Daniel O'Donnell.
Now I'm back where I first began,
No job, no money, but I 've a plan,
There's a girl down in Mullingar,
She can hold me future in her hand,
She doesn't look like a film star,
But she's been tellin me about her da,
He has no property or land,
But he has two sows and a transit van,
The queen of England drives a Rolls Royce car,
her son Charlie has a Jaguar,
But when the Pope came to Ireland,
like myself,
He drove around in a transit van.
looks so sincere as she says to me,
There'd be no unemployment if,
you all used a bit of initiative
I was on the dole I was broken bored
Says I, I'd take her at her word
Got a loan from the credit union man,
And bought meself a transit van.
Me next step up the ladder now,
I bought meself an auld fat sow,
Cross the border quite legally?,
Collected a common market subsidy,
Signed all the forms and handed back the pen.
Smuggled the sow back home again,
Ten times a day I worked this plan,
Meself, and the sow, and the transit van,
Travel sickness the sow picked up,
Says I, it's time to diversify,
Took all me money from the biscuit tin,
Filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin,
Around the South me wares I'd sell,
In public houses and hotels,
There was never a guard nor a customs man,
Put his nose inside the transit van,
At festivals and fleadhs and fairs,
If the craic was good you'd find me there,
At all big matches in Croke Park,
And I danced with Springstein in the dark,
I fought with the tinkers in Ballinasloe,
I danced on streets around Listowell,
Mothers had their daughters warned,
Stay well away from the transit van,
It being Lent and the drink trade slow
I took to carrying video
While on the road to Ballybay
Found a customs roadblock in me way
To face the border I got her turned,
The engine roared and the tires burned,
Five patrol cars fully-manned,
Were in hot pursuit of the transit van
Through Clontbrit I did go, I was heading for the county Mayo,
Round the corner I hit a dog,
Went over the ditch landed in the bog,
I sat on a bank watched all I owned,
Sinkin in a bog hole like a stone,
She was lying on the roof with the wheels still turning,
And the stereo playing Daniel O'Donnell.
Now I'm back where I first began,
No job, no money, but I 've a plan,
There's a girl down in Mullingar,
She can hold me future in her hand,
She doesn't look like a film star,
But she's been tellin me about her da,
He has no property or land,
But he has two sows and a transit van,
The queen of England drives a Rolls Royce car,
her son Charlie has a Jaguar,
But when the Pope came to Ireland,
like myself,
He drove around in a transit van.