Standing on a golf course
Dressed in PVC
I chanced upon a golf girl
Selling cups of tea
She asked me did I want one
Asked me with a grin
"For a threepence you can have one
Full right to the brim"
So of course I had to have one
In fact I ordered three
So I could watch the golf girl
Could see she fancied me
Her name was Pat
And we sat under a tree
She kissed me
Well, she said she would
If I went away again really quickly
She asked me did I want one
She hadn't gone all day
Then she would call the policeman
If I didn't go away
So of course I had to have one
In fact I ordered three
So I could watch the golf girl
Could see she fancied me
And later on the golf course
After drinking tea
It started raining golf b****
And she protected me
Her name was Pat
Yeah
And we sat under a tree
She kissed me
We'd go for walks
(Go for walks)
In the fine weather
(In the fine weather)
In the all together
Hey, I just had a really great idea
Why don't we take off all our clothes
And jump in the sand pits
Oh, come on
Oh, it's a bit wet
Yeah
Yeah, brilliant
Come on
Oh look, I found some golf b****
Yeah
Oh, that was brilliant
Can I have my clothes back now
Hey, you're not a golf girl
(No, Neil, I'm your fairy godmother
And I've come to shop you to the police
You dirty little b******)
Oh no
(Get in that van, slick)
Ow
Are you the nice policeman or a nasty one
Ow
Standing on a golf course
Drinking cups of tea
I chanced upon a golf girl
Dressed in PVC
And later on the golf course
After drinking tea
It started raining policemen
And they arrested me
(This is really serious)
I was only jumping in the sand pits
(You're gonna get ten years for this)
Ow
(Now, hold out your hands
While I kick you in the b******s)
Aren't you going to say
"Anything you say will be taken down
And used in evidence" against me
And then I can say "trousers"
And it be, like, a really good joke
Ow
Ow.
Dressed in PVC
I chanced upon a golf girl
Selling cups of tea
She asked me did I want one
Asked me with a grin
"For a threepence you can have one
Full right to the brim"
So of course I had to have one
In fact I ordered three
So I could watch the golf girl
Could see she fancied me
Her name was Pat
And we sat under a tree
She kissed me
Well, she said she would
If I went away again really quickly
She asked me did I want one
She hadn't gone all day
Then she would call the policeman
If I didn't go away
So of course I had to have one
In fact I ordered three
So I could watch the golf girl
Could see she fancied me
And later on the golf course
After drinking tea
It started raining golf b****
And she protected me
Her name was Pat
Yeah
And we sat under a tree
She kissed me
We'd go for walks
(Go for walks)
In the fine weather
(In the fine weather)
In the all together
Hey, I just had a really great idea
Why don't we take off all our clothes
And jump in the sand pits
Oh, come on
Oh, it's a bit wet
Yeah
Yeah, brilliant
Come on
Oh look, I found some golf b****
Yeah
Oh, that was brilliant
Can I have my clothes back now
Hey, you're not a golf girl
(No, Neil, I'm your fairy godmother
And I've come to shop you to the police
You dirty little b******)
Oh no
(Get in that van, slick)
Ow
Are you the nice policeman or a nasty one
Ow
Standing on a golf course
Drinking cups of tea
I chanced upon a golf girl
Dressed in PVC
And later on the golf course
After drinking tea
It started raining policemen
And they arrested me
(This is really serious)
I was only jumping in the sand pits
(You're gonna get ten years for this)
Ow
(Now, hold out your hands
While I kick you in the b******s)
Aren't you going to say
"Anything you say will be taken down
And used in evidence" against me
And then I can say "trousers"
And it be, like, a really good joke
Ow
Ow.