He only comes once a year
Might as well be down the chimney
He wouldn't have a good f*** in him
He's a soft c***, he's a dud
And he only comes once a year
And he thinks, them kids, the reason is
Just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
Can't even get it up
The muscle's missing in the middle
It's just a useless piece o' gristle
Danglin' from his gut
Or he's just too f****** drunk
To make his sausage sizzle
And he's just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
He only comes once a year
Might as well be down the chimney
He wouldn't have a good f*** in him
He's a soft c***, he's a dud
And he only comes once a year
And he thinks, them kids, the reason is
Just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
Most times he's just too drunk
Or just too f*****' lazy
He don't suspect them babies
Are someone else's kids
But if it weren't for his mates
Servicing' her dailies
Oh lady you'd go crazy
'Cause he only comes once a year
He only comes once a year
Might as well be down the chimney
He wouldn't have a good f*** in him
He's a soft c***, he's a dud
And he only comes once a year
And he thinks, them kids, the reason is
Just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
[x2]
He's just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
Might as well be down the chimney
He wouldn't have a good f*** in him
He's a soft c***, he's a dud
And he only comes once a year
And he thinks, them kids, the reason is
Just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
Can't even get it up
The muscle's missing in the middle
It's just a useless piece o' gristle
Danglin' from his gut
Or he's just too f****** drunk
To make his sausage sizzle
And he's just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
He only comes once a year
Might as well be down the chimney
He wouldn't have a good f*** in him
He's a soft c***, he's a dud
And he only comes once a year
And he thinks, them kids, the reason is
Just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
Most times he's just too drunk
Or just too f*****' lazy
He don't suspect them babies
Are someone else's kids
But if it weren't for his mates
Servicing' her dailies
Oh lady you'd go crazy
'Cause he only comes once a year
He only comes once a year
Might as well be down the chimney
He wouldn't have a good f*** in him
He's a soft c***, he's a dud
And he only comes once a year
And he thinks, them kids, the reason is
Just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year
[x2]
He's just like Father Christmas
'Cause he only comes once a year