Well, I stepped off the bus in Memphis
And stumbled into the first saloon I could find
I bellied up to the rail and summoned my barkeep
I ordered up a tequila, some salt and a lime
And she said, "Son, you ain't from around here, is ya?"
And I said politely, "No, no ma'am, I ain't."
She said, "Sonny, let me give you a little bit of friendly Southern advice,
We don't use that junk around here for nothing 'cept, well, maybe thinning out paint."
And she said, "Son, why don't you take a look around and tell me what you see."
Well, I saw a lot of white-felt Stetson hats and gatorskin boots
You know, and every Southern man who had a lady on his arm was drinking whiskey.
So I said, "I do not wish to be out of order, ma'am. I am not a tramp or a b**.
The dusty Mexican borderlands are where I have just come from,
And with all due respect and deference, tequila is my preference."
So she said, "Relax, honey, you know I would never treat you wrong."
And then she poured me up three fingers of that old Number 7.
She said, "Rest a**ured, darlin', if we're drinkin' it down here in Dixie,
That's 'cause that's what they're pourin' up in Heaven."
And I said, "Ma'am, your hospitality is well intentioned,
Yes, I know you mean to treat me well. It's just that
Where I come from, born and raised in Arizona, don't you know,
Me and my friends be more likely to be found drinking what they serve down in hell."
And she said, "Son, why don't you just take a look around and tell me what you see."
Well, I saw a lot of furrowed brows under them white-felt Stetson hats
And every Southern man who had a lady on his arm was looking kinda angry.
So I said, "I do not wish to be out of order, gents. I am not a tramp or a b**.
The dusty Mexican borderlands are where I have just come from.
And with all due respect and deference, tequila is my preference."
(Okay, Scotty J., take it away)
So she said, "Hey, look, you little pole-cat, you better knock that whiskey back
Before Southern folks get angry and we come and skin you to the bone.
And I ain't exactly sure how that old saying goes, boy, but I do know it underscores the fact
That you best be drinking what the Romans drink when you're drinking down in Rome."
And I said, "Ma'am, I can see that you just do not understand.
And I've been trying to get a proper drink out of this bar now the whole d*** night,
So kindly set me up that tequila, honey, and let me get it into my blood
And I will take you and your whiskey-sipping Southern boys up on that there fight."
And she said, "Son, why don't you just take yourself a look around and tell me what you see."
Well, I saw a lot of grinding teeth, and I saw a lot of clinching fists out there
And every Southern man who once was over there sitting at the bar was up and coming after me
So I said, "I do not wish to be out of order here, gentlemen,
I am not a tramp, and I am not a b**.
The dusty Mexican borderlands are where I have just come from,
And with all due respect and due respect and deference,
Yeah, with all due respect and deference, mmmm,
With all due respect and deference...
Gentlemen, kindly do not throw me out a** backwards for hankerin'
For a less civilized spirit. Why don't I just mosey on along
And find my tequila on my way back...
West."
Adios, rogando y con o mas rodando. Katie, bar the door,
pass the gunpowder, and praise the Lord, and as I make
haste, yet slowly, to mis amigos you may deem lowly and unholy,
I will tell them what I've learned. Though I've been gulagged and I've
been spurned, si a Roma fueres haz como vieres, or
When in Rome do as the Romans do. But Memphis, why not try
something new, and when the barbarians arrive here at your
gate, treat us not with fear and hate, for we come not to
conquer, or be rude, but to raise a glass and say, "Salud."
And stumbled into the first saloon I could find
I bellied up to the rail and summoned my barkeep
I ordered up a tequila, some salt and a lime
And she said, "Son, you ain't from around here, is ya?"
And I said politely, "No, no ma'am, I ain't."
She said, "Sonny, let me give you a little bit of friendly Southern advice,
We don't use that junk around here for nothing 'cept, well, maybe thinning out paint."
And she said, "Son, why don't you take a look around and tell me what you see."
Well, I saw a lot of white-felt Stetson hats and gatorskin boots
You know, and every Southern man who had a lady on his arm was drinking whiskey.
So I said, "I do not wish to be out of order, ma'am. I am not a tramp or a b**.
The dusty Mexican borderlands are where I have just come from,
And with all due respect and deference, tequila is my preference."
So she said, "Relax, honey, you know I would never treat you wrong."
And then she poured me up three fingers of that old Number 7.
She said, "Rest a**ured, darlin', if we're drinkin' it down here in Dixie,
That's 'cause that's what they're pourin' up in Heaven."
And I said, "Ma'am, your hospitality is well intentioned,
Yes, I know you mean to treat me well. It's just that
Where I come from, born and raised in Arizona, don't you know,
Me and my friends be more likely to be found drinking what they serve down in hell."
And she said, "Son, why don't you just take a look around and tell me what you see."
Well, I saw a lot of furrowed brows under them white-felt Stetson hats
And every Southern man who had a lady on his arm was looking kinda angry.
So I said, "I do not wish to be out of order, gents. I am not a tramp or a b**.
The dusty Mexican borderlands are where I have just come from.
And with all due respect and deference, tequila is my preference."
(Okay, Scotty J., take it away)
So she said, "Hey, look, you little pole-cat, you better knock that whiskey back
Before Southern folks get angry and we come and skin you to the bone.
And I ain't exactly sure how that old saying goes, boy, but I do know it underscores the fact
That you best be drinking what the Romans drink when you're drinking down in Rome."
And I said, "Ma'am, I can see that you just do not understand.
And I've been trying to get a proper drink out of this bar now the whole d*** night,
So kindly set me up that tequila, honey, and let me get it into my blood
And I will take you and your whiskey-sipping Southern boys up on that there fight."
And she said, "Son, why don't you just take yourself a look around and tell me what you see."
Well, I saw a lot of grinding teeth, and I saw a lot of clinching fists out there
And every Southern man who once was over there sitting at the bar was up and coming after me
So I said, "I do not wish to be out of order here, gentlemen,
I am not a tramp, and I am not a b**.
The dusty Mexican borderlands are where I have just come from,
And with all due respect and due respect and deference,
Yeah, with all due respect and deference, mmmm,
With all due respect and deference...
Gentlemen, kindly do not throw me out a** backwards for hankerin'
For a less civilized spirit. Why don't I just mosey on along
And find my tequila on my way back...
West."
Adios, rogando y con o mas rodando. Katie, bar the door,
pass the gunpowder, and praise the Lord, and as I make
haste, yet slowly, to mis amigos you may deem lowly and unholy,
I will tell them what I've learned. Though I've been gulagged and I've
been spurned, si a Roma fueres haz como vieres, or
When in Rome do as the Romans do. But Memphis, why not try
something new, and when the barbarians arrive here at your
gate, treat us not with fear and hate, for we come not to
conquer, or be rude, but to raise a glass and say, "Salud."