75
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,000
Yeah, l don't believe that religions
are religions.
76
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:17,200
l believe they're philosophies
with some f****** weird ideas.
77
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:21,600
So...anyway, John Paul...
78
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,500
Johnny Paul, a bit knackered -
79
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:28,500
that's a word you can use in Britain
and you'll fit right in.
80
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:34,100
And ''That's a load
of b******s, mate. A load of...''
81
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:38,700
lt means bullshit. Bullshit, b******s,
very close in the dictionary.
82
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:41,900
lt's weird cos b******s,
that's c***,
83
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,500
but if it's the dog's b******s,
that's really good.
84
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:51,900
b******s means t*******s, so the
dog's b******s are the dog's t*******s
85
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,700
but it is good.
86
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:57,500
lt's weird. You can go up
to the Queen and say,
87
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,500
''That outfit, the Queen,
it's the dog's b******s.''
88
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,100
She'll say, ''Thank you for saying so.
89
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,800
''l thought it did look like
the dog's b******s.''
90
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,800
''Well, it does look
and it is the dog's b******s.''
91
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:17,000
She'll be as happy as Larry,
however happy he is.
92
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:22,000
So, they're not very good
at naming popes as well.
93
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,000
They had a run of Piuses,
it went like Hollywood.
94
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,800
Pope Pius l, Pope Pius ll,
95
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:30,300
Pope Pius lll,
The Revenge of the Pius Papal.
96
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,900
Pope Pius lV -
This time he's p***** off.
97
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,000
Pope Pius V in 3-D.
98
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,500
''The body of Christ.''
''God! He hit me in the face!''
99
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,600
(Mumbling)
100
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:49,500
But Johnny Paul, he was...
going down to Jerusalem.
101
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:53,500
He went to Jerusalem cos
it was the holy city for Christians
102
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:58,100
and for the Muslims and it's
a holy city for the Jewish people.
103
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,600
lt's a bit of a f****** mess there.
104
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,200
Three major religions, one holy city.
105
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,100
Couldn't they have just
spread it out a bit?
106
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:11,000
''You have Aqaba, we'll have Moscow,
you have Dover. All right?''
107
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:14,900
A bit of s***e. One city!
Everyone's there.
108
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,700
Nightmare. Anyway...
109
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,700
He went there and he was apologising.
110
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:24,700
Johnny was apologising for things
done wrong in the name of God,
111
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,800
s*** that happened
in the name of God.
112
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,900
Like during the Second World War,
Pope Pius Xll
113
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,900
was supposed to apologise,
114
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:37,600
not apologise, castigate h*****
for being a ''genocidal f*******''.
115
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,800
With bunny-rabbit ears.
116
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,900
But he didn't say that, he wimped out
117
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,400
and he's been renamed now
as Pope Gutless b****** l.
118
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,900
Which is good.
119
00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:00,000
But l should say
it's Pope Gutless ''Bas-tard'' l.
120
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:03,400
He did apologise for
the Spanish lnquisition.
121
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,700
He said it was far too inquisitive.
122
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,500
Supposed to be
the Spanish Casual Chat.
123
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,100
''Don Miguel, tell me of El Diablo.''
124
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:21,700
''El Diablo is an exciting character.
125
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,500
''He is one with the ladies.
Why do you wish to know?''
126
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,500
''No reason, just a casual chat.''
127
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,200
But it wasn't. lt was,
''Don Miguel, tell me of El Diablo.
128
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,800
''lf you do not, l will play
this barrel organ for hours.''
129
00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:43,400
# Gling, gling, gling
Gling, gling #
130
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,200
That was a barrel organ version
of Jerusalem.
131
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,000
Which was a British Empire type song.
132
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:55,500
lt's a hymn, one we'd sing
in church. As a kid, l'd...
133
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:58,700
# And did those feet... #
Boom, boom, boom.
134
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:03,300
# ln... # You know, and it's got
really weird lines in it, erm...
135
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,700
''And shall my sword sleep
in my hand?'' Not a good idea.
136
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,800
You're gonna roll over
and cut your bits off, aren't you?
137
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,500
And then it's that
Godfather scene of, ''Oh, oh!
138
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,500
''A head of a horse and my w**** and...''
139
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,700
''Should my sword sleep near my bed
140
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:27,800
''but not too close
so it cuts my bits off.''
141
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,900
That's how the line should go.
142
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:35,300
And it ends up with, ''And shall
Jerusalem be builded here
143
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,600
''on England's green
and pleasant land?''
144
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,300
No.
145
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,500
Leave it where it f****** is.
146
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,100
lt's in Jerusalem.
147
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:50,600
lf you've sung a hymn, you don't
pay attention to it but it's saying,
148
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,000
''And we're gonna build it here...''
149
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,900
What is it?
Jerusalem ll, The Sequel?
150
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:59,900
Leave it there, otherwise people
will wake up in Jerusalem and go,
151
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,200
''What? Where...?'' You know?
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,000
Yeah, l don't believe that religions
are religions.
76
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:17,200
l believe they're philosophies
with some f****** weird ideas.
77
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:21,600
So...anyway, John Paul...
78
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,500
Johnny Paul, a bit knackered -
79
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:28,500
that's a word you can use in Britain
and you'll fit right in.
80
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:34,100
And ''That's a load
of b******s, mate. A load of...''
81
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:38,700
lt means bullshit. Bullshit, b******s,
very close in the dictionary.
82
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:41,900
lt's weird cos b******s,
that's c***,
83
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,500
but if it's the dog's b******s,
that's really good.
84
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:51,900
b******s means t*******s, so the
dog's b******s are the dog's t*******s
85
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,700
but it is good.
86
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:57,500
lt's weird. You can go up
to the Queen and say,
87
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,500
''That outfit, the Queen,
it's the dog's b******s.''
88
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,100
She'll say, ''Thank you for saying so.
89
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,800
''l thought it did look like
the dog's b******s.''
90
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,800
''Well, it does look
and it is the dog's b******s.''
91
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:17,000
She'll be as happy as Larry,
however happy he is.
92
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:22,000
So, they're not very good
at naming popes as well.
93
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,000
They had a run of Piuses,
it went like Hollywood.
94
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,800
Pope Pius l, Pope Pius ll,
95
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:30,300
Pope Pius lll,
The Revenge of the Pius Papal.
96
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,900
Pope Pius lV -
This time he's p***** off.
97
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,000
Pope Pius V in 3-D.
98
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,500
''The body of Christ.''
''God! He hit me in the face!''
99
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,600
(Mumbling)
100
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:49,500
But Johnny Paul, he was...
going down to Jerusalem.
101
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:53,500
He went to Jerusalem cos
it was the holy city for Christians
102
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:58,100
and for the Muslims and it's
a holy city for the Jewish people.
103
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,600
lt's a bit of a f****** mess there.
104
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,200
Three major religions, one holy city.
105
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,100
Couldn't they have just
spread it out a bit?
106
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:11,000
''You have Aqaba, we'll have Moscow,
you have Dover. All right?''
107
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:14,900
A bit of s***e. One city!
Everyone's there.
108
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,700
Nightmare. Anyway...
109
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,700
He went there and he was apologising.
110
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:24,700
Johnny was apologising for things
done wrong in the name of God,
111
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,800
s*** that happened
in the name of God.
112
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,900
Like during the Second World War,
Pope Pius Xll
113
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,900
was supposed to apologise,
114
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:37,600
not apologise, castigate h*****
for being a ''genocidal f*******''.
115
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,800
With bunny-rabbit ears.
116
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,900
But he didn't say that, he wimped out
117
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,400
and he's been renamed now
as Pope Gutless b****** l.
118
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,900
Which is good.
119
00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:00,000
But l should say
it's Pope Gutless ''Bas-tard'' l.
120
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:03,400
He did apologise for
the Spanish lnquisition.
121
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,700
He said it was far too inquisitive.
122
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,500
Supposed to be
the Spanish Casual Chat.
123
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,100
''Don Miguel, tell me of El Diablo.''
124
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:21,700
''El Diablo is an exciting character.
125
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,500
''He is one with the ladies.
Why do you wish to know?''
126
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,500
''No reason, just a casual chat.''
127
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,200
But it wasn't. lt was,
''Don Miguel, tell me of El Diablo.
128
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,800
''lf you do not, l will play
this barrel organ for hours.''
129
00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:43,400
# Gling, gling, gling
Gling, gling #
130
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,200
That was a barrel organ version
of Jerusalem.
131
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,000
Which was a British Empire type song.
132
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:55,500
lt's a hymn, one we'd sing
in church. As a kid, l'd...
133
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:58,700
# And did those feet... #
Boom, boom, boom.
134
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:03,300
# ln... # You know, and it's got
really weird lines in it, erm...
135
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,700
''And shall my sword sleep
in my hand?'' Not a good idea.
136
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,800
You're gonna roll over
and cut your bits off, aren't you?
137
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,500
And then it's that
Godfather scene of, ''Oh, oh!
138
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,500
''A head of a horse and my w**** and...''
139
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,700
''Should my sword sleep near my bed
140
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:27,800
''but not too close
so it cuts my bits off.''
141
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,900
That's how the line should go.
142
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:35,300
And it ends up with, ''And shall
Jerusalem be builded here
143
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,600
''on England's green
and pleasant land?''
144
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,300
No.
145
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,500
Leave it where it f****** is.
146
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,100
lt's in Jerusalem.
147
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:50,600
lf you've sung a hymn, you don't
pay attention to it but it's saying,
148
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,000
''And we're gonna build it here...''
149
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,900
What is it?
Jerusalem ll, The Sequel?
150
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:59,900
Leave it there, otherwise people
will wake up in Jerusalem and go,
151
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,200
''What? Where...?'' You know?