Hopeless Lyrics

I feel like I have lost myself
the time is ticking five to twelve.
I´m living quiet, dreaming loud,
my fears inside are breaking out.
But was has changed my hopeful mind,
there are no more dreams that I can find.
I try to throw my life away
and dont know how to life the day.

Where are the whishes that I had?
I live my life, but I feel dead.

This world is laughing, makes my cry,
but do I really want to die?

Apocalyptic self-hate-beeing,
this is all that I am seeing.
I love my self, but hate me more,
I reach a new self hating score.
At night I dream my life away,
but want it back the other day,
Mistakes and tears were all I had,
and now I cant live without that.

My life is getting my own grave,
I´m hiding in my dark-filled cave,
and so I´m telling much more lies,
my words are not more than raped cries.
Will I find back to my own,
or is the fear my only home.
I love myself but hate me more,
I reach a new self hating score.

I ´m getting nearly to the end,
I feel I have to pay my rent.
When will I throw away this life,
when is the day, that I will day?