DAN:
Who's crazy, the husband or wife?
Who's crazy to live their whole life believing that somehow things aren't as bazaar as they are?
Who's crazy, the one who can't cope?
Or maybe, the one who'll still hope?
The one who sees doctors or the one who just waits in the car?
And I was a wild twenty-five,
And I loved a wife so alive.
But now I believe I would settle for one who can drive.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
...The round blue ones with food, but not with the oblong white ones.
The white ones with the round yellow ones, but not with the trapezoidal green ones.
Split the green ones into thirds with a tiny chisel, use a mortar...
DIANA:
My psychopharmacologist and I.
It's like an odd romance:
Intense and very intimate, we do our dance.
My psychopharmacologist and I.
Call it a lover's game.
He knows my deepest secrets.
I know his... name!
And though he'll never hold me,
He'll always take my calls.
It's truly like he told me,
Without a little lift, the ballerina falls.
CAST:
Do doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Bipolar depressive with delusional episodes.
Sixteen year history of medication.
Adjustment after one week.
DIANA (spoken):
I've got less anxiety but I have headaches, blurry vision, and I can't feel my toes.
CAST:
Ahh, ahh, ahh.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
So we'll try again. Eventually, we'll get it right.
DIANA (spoken):
Not a very exact science, is it?
CAST:
Zoloft and Paxil and Buspar and Xanex, Ambien, Prozac,
Ativan calms me when I see the bills.
These are a few of my favorite pills.
DIANA (spoken):
Oh, thank you, Doctor, Valium is my favorite color. How'd you know?
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Second adjustment after three weeks.
Delusions less frequent, but depressive state worse.
DIANA (spoken):
I'm nauseous and I'm constipated,
completely lost my appetite and gained six pounds, which, you know, is just not fair.
CAST:
May cause the following side effects, one or more:
Dizziness, drowsiness, s**ual dysfunction,
headaches and constipation, nightmares and seizures.
Anxiousness, anger, exhaustion, insomnia, irritability,
nausea, vomiting, odd and alarming s**ual feelings..
OH! and one last thing:
Use may be fatal.
Use may be fatal.
Use may be fatal.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Third adjustment after five weeks.
Reports continue: mild anxiety and some lingering depression.
DIANA (spoken):
I now can't feel my fingers or my toes. I sweat profusely for no reason.
DIANA (spoken):
Fortunately, I have absolutely no desire for s**.
Although, whether that's the medicine or the marriage is anybody's guess.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
I'm sure it's the medicine.
DIANA (spoken):
Oh, thank you, that's very sweet, but my husband's waiting in the car.
DAN:
Who's crazy, the one who's half gone?
Or maybe, the one who holds on?
Remembering when she was twenty, and brilliant and bold.
And I was young, and so dumb.
And now I am old.
[Overlapped singing of DAN and DIANA]
DAN:
And she was livid and wired.
The s** was simply inspired.
Now there's no s**, she's depressed,
And me, I'm just tired, tired, tired, tired...
DIANA:
And though he'll never hold me
He'll always taken my calls
It's truly like he told me
Without a lift the ballerina falls.
My psychopharmacologist and I...
[Chaotic, incomprehensible duet continues, joined by the cast background vocals.]
DAN (his voice emerges):
..or the one who just lives with the pain?
They say love is blind...
But believe me, love is insane.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Seven weeks.
DIANA (spoken):
I don't feel like myself. I mean, I don't feel anything.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Hm. Patient stable.
Who's crazy, the husband or wife?
Who's crazy to live their whole life believing that somehow things aren't as bazaar as they are?
Who's crazy, the one who can't cope?
Or maybe, the one who'll still hope?
The one who sees doctors or the one who just waits in the car?
And I was a wild twenty-five,
And I loved a wife so alive.
But now I believe I would settle for one who can drive.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
...The round blue ones with food, but not with the oblong white ones.
The white ones with the round yellow ones, but not with the trapezoidal green ones.
Split the green ones into thirds with a tiny chisel, use a mortar...
DIANA:
My psychopharmacologist and I.
It's like an odd romance:
Intense and very intimate, we do our dance.
My psychopharmacologist and I.
Call it a lover's game.
He knows my deepest secrets.
I know his... name!
And though he'll never hold me,
He'll always take my calls.
It's truly like he told me,
Without a little lift, the ballerina falls.
CAST:
Do doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Bipolar depressive with delusional episodes.
Sixteen year history of medication.
Adjustment after one week.
DIANA (spoken):
I've got less anxiety but I have headaches, blurry vision, and I can't feel my toes.
CAST:
Ahh, ahh, ahh.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
So we'll try again. Eventually, we'll get it right.
DIANA (spoken):
Not a very exact science, is it?
CAST:
Zoloft and Paxil and Buspar and Xanex, Ambien, Prozac,
Ativan calms me when I see the bills.
These are a few of my favorite pills.
DIANA (spoken):
Oh, thank you, Doctor, Valium is my favorite color. How'd you know?
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Second adjustment after three weeks.
Delusions less frequent, but depressive state worse.
DIANA (spoken):
I'm nauseous and I'm constipated,
completely lost my appetite and gained six pounds, which, you know, is just not fair.
CAST:
May cause the following side effects, one or more:
Dizziness, drowsiness, s**ual dysfunction,
headaches and constipation, nightmares and seizures.
Anxiousness, anger, exhaustion, insomnia, irritability,
nausea, vomiting, odd and alarming s**ual feelings..
OH! and one last thing:
Use may be fatal.
Use may be fatal.
Use may be fatal.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Third adjustment after five weeks.
Reports continue: mild anxiety and some lingering depression.
DIANA (spoken):
I now can't feel my fingers or my toes. I sweat profusely for no reason.
DIANA (spoken):
Fortunately, I have absolutely no desire for s**.
Although, whether that's the medicine or the marriage is anybody's guess.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
I'm sure it's the medicine.
DIANA (spoken):
Oh, thank you, that's very sweet, but my husband's waiting in the car.
DAN:
Who's crazy, the one who's half gone?
Or maybe, the one who holds on?
Remembering when she was twenty, and brilliant and bold.
And I was young, and so dumb.
And now I am old.
[Overlapped singing of DAN and DIANA]
DAN:
And she was livid and wired.
The s** was simply inspired.
Now there's no s**, she's depressed,
And me, I'm just tired, tired, tired, tired...
DIANA:
And though he'll never hold me
He'll always taken my calls
It's truly like he told me
Without a lift the ballerina falls.
My psychopharmacologist and I...
[Chaotic, incomprehensible duet continues, joined by the cast background vocals.]
DAN (his voice emerges):
..or the one who just lives with the pain?
They say love is blind...
But believe me, love is insane.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Seven weeks.
DIANA (spoken):
I don't feel like myself. I mean, I don't feel anything.
DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Hm. Patient stable.