When he closes his eyes he sees the things that he pretended. When he closes his eyes he sees the things he knows to well. He said that it took three times to get it right and the love of his life died. Aching bones carry a weight they never should have known. He falls apart. The stuttering of a groaning heart. When he closes his eyes he sees those things he knows to well and that grief is a full time job you learn to live with. His radio plays songs while he sleeps a chance to fill emptyness with something. Relief might not come, it might not cure lonelyness but it gives him a time to forget.