Ben Nevis Lyrics

He squeezes in the van, all twenty four stones,
Gets three kebabs, eats them on his own,
Quick trouser cough, Nevis touches cloth,
f***! f***! Abandon truck! All the windows steaming up.
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! The air in here is turning brown,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! Get the f****** windows down,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! Nevis gone and done a 'troop'!,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! I think the big fat t*** has followed through.

Ben Nevis filled the van with 'Eau de t***',
He would have swung for less gas at Nuremburg,
Four chicken curries, eight tandooris,
Boiled eggs, three kebabs, f*** sake, no one strike a match.
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! Everybody's choking to death,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! Loud and sour botty breath,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! Dig a trench, avoid the stench,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! Nevis, filthy, fat and flatulent.

At a transport caff, he gets baked beans,
r***** rasp blows a hole in his jeans,
Everybody choking, nobody smoking,
He looks round, he blames the dog,
Covered in a smelly fog.
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! What the f*** has he been eating?,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! It must have had some rotten meat in,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! I've got tears in my eyes,
Gas! Gas! Quick lads! I think a rat crawled up his a***hole,
I think a rat crawled up his a***hole,
I think a rat crawled up his a***, and died. (Some considerable time ago)

©1987 The Macc Lads (with help from Wilfred Owen)

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