(spoken)
You know, Plutarch used to write
often of the great and mysterious Chainsaw Juggler.
Hickapoy Indians...documented the
famed exploits of the great and
mysterious Chainsaw Juggler in their
smash banana-dye cave paintings.
But never...has the...great and
mysterious Chainsaw Juggler been
more famous than during the filming
of the "Texas Chainsaw Juggler Massacre".
This next song's about a....chainsaw juggler.
It's called..."The Chainsaw Juggler".
Rock on, dude.
Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine.
And how did you learn to kiss like that?
Said the man to his German shepherd
It's not polite to talk when your mouth
Is full...of big b**blebees...
But it's quite okay to love your mom
As long as you don't get her pregnant
Everybody!
Na na na, nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee
Na na na nee, nee nee nee nee
Na na na, nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee
There's something wrong with this song!
Cross my heart, yes. Stick a finger in my eye, no.
But wife, I'm telling the truth...
I've slept with your sister, your mom and your dad,
And the second-best s** was you
Oh, Rub-A-Dub-Dub, three men in a tub...
Need I say more?
Jack Sprat could eat no fat...
So he divorced her!
Everybody!
I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be
I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be
(spoken)
Wait a minute, who's up? Doggy?
No.
Donkey(?)
No...
BONE, KNOCK THAT OFF!!
We're doing a song for God's sake.
Where were we?
Oh yeah, right
Here we go!
MEANWHILE....
Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine
I heard he died, but nobody cried
Instead they all chopped off their arms!
(spoken)
Oh well, when in Rome...
Non compos mentis persona non grata
In vino veritas ad hoc (*HAAACK-TOOI!*)
E Pluribus Unum, if to err is human
Then boy, am I glad we're in charge!
Oh, a Buddhist, a Muslim, a nun and a Jew
Were stuck in a hot-air balloon
It suddenly popped, and though they prayed as it dropped
It proves that God hates us all
Everybody!
(Ad-lib stuff from the first part of the song)
There's something wrong with this song!
(Spoken until it says "Return to Singing")
...And as the wise man stood on top
of the hill, naked and disgusting and
dirty and...naked... he shouted down
to the angry villagers far below...
He said, "You may have won the battle, but
I'm....I'm...out of ammunition!"
He said, "Life isn't a bowl of cherries,
its...it's.......okay, maybe it is."
He said, "It's not the size that counts, it's
the woman that counts the size!"
He said, "You can't sue yourself for writing an
unauthorized autobiography!"
He said, "If you can't succeed, well then maybe
you're a...g****** loser!"
He said, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether
I win or lose."
He said, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water... unless it's floating face down."
He said, "If you can't beat 'em, let ME beat 'em!"
He said, "You can tell a lot about a man by how he strangles you!"
And lastly he said,
"Fight for peace!
Make love, not war!
Unless you love to kill!"
Right! And as they stormed the mountain, and kicked him to death, he said one more thing...
He said...
"Ow! Ow! Stop kicking me! No, please!
Not the head! Not in the skull!
Stop kicking me, please! I'm dying!"
And as the Martian sat and waved from
his driver seat window of his hovering Martian
s***eship on his way back to Jupiter,
he offered these parting words of advice...
He said, "Do yourself a favor and STOP
this g****** song!"
But we couldn't....
Because we STILL didn't know...
(start singing, people!)
Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine
I heard he died, but nobody cried
Instead they all chopped off their arms!
Well, that sure makes sense, he was loved by his fans
But tell me, how did he die?
Nobody knows, they found him alone
All b***** with his arms by his side
Everybody!
I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be
Na na na, ney ney ney, nee nee nee nee
There's something wrong with this
something wrong with this...
something wrong with this...
"Chainsaw Juggler!"
"Song..."
"Song."
"Bone!"
"We gotta work on that ending"
You know, Plutarch used to write
often of the great and mysterious Chainsaw Juggler.
Hickapoy Indians...documented the
famed exploits of the great and
mysterious Chainsaw Juggler in their
smash banana-dye cave paintings.
But never...has the...great and
mysterious Chainsaw Juggler been
more famous than during the filming
of the "Texas Chainsaw Juggler Massacre".
This next song's about a....chainsaw juggler.
It's called..."The Chainsaw Juggler".
Rock on, dude.
Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine.
And how did you learn to kiss like that?
Said the man to his German shepherd
It's not polite to talk when your mouth
Is full...of big b**blebees...
But it's quite okay to love your mom
As long as you don't get her pregnant
Everybody!
Na na na, nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee
Na na na nee, nee nee nee nee
Na na na, nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee
There's something wrong with this song!
Cross my heart, yes. Stick a finger in my eye, no.
But wife, I'm telling the truth...
I've slept with your sister, your mom and your dad,
And the second-best s** was you
Oh, Rub-A-Dub-Dub, three men in a tub...
Need I say more?
Jack Sprat could eat no fat...
So he divorced her!
Everybody!
I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be
I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be
(spoken)
Wait a minute, who's up? Doggy?
No.
Donkey(?)
No...
BONE, KNOCK THAT OFF!!
We're doing a song for God's sake.
Where were we?
Oh yeah, right
Here we go!
MEANWHILE....
Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine
I heard he died, but nobody cried
Instead they all chopped off their arms!
(spoken)
Oh well, when in Rome...
Non compos mentis persona non grata
In vino veritas ad hoc (*HAAACK-TOOI!*)
E Pluribus Unum, if to err is human
Then boy, am I glad we're in charge!
Oh, a Buddhist, a Muslim, a nun and a Jew
Were stuck in a hot-air balloon
It suddenly popped, and though they prayed as it dropped
It proves that God hates us all
Everybody!
(Ad-lib stuff from the first part of the song)
There's something wrong with this song!
(Spoken until it says "Return to Singing")
...And as the wise man stood on top
of the hill, naked and disgusting and
dirty and...naked... he shouted down
to the angry villagers far below...
He said, "You may have won the battle, but
I'm....I'm...out of ammunition!"
He said, "Life isn't a bowl of cherries,
its...it's.......okay, maybe it is."
He said, "It's not the size that counts, it's
the woman that counts the size!"
He said, "You can't sue yourself for writing an
unauthorized autobiography!"
He said, "If you can't succeed, well then maybe
you're a...g****** loser!"
He said, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether
I win or lose."
He said, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water... unless it's floating face down."
He said, "If you can't beat 'em, let ME beat 'em!"
He said, "You can tell a lot about a man by how he strangles you!"
And lastly he said,
"Fight for peace!
Make love, not war!
Unless you love to kill!"
Right! And as they stormed the mountain, and kicked him to death, he said one more thing...
He said...
"Ow! Ow! Stop kicking me! No, please!
Not the head! Not in the skull!
Stop kicking me, please! I'm dying!"
And as the Martian sat and waved from
his driver seat window of his hovering Martian
s***eship on his way back to Jupiter,
he offered these parting words of advice...
He said, "Do yourself a favor and STOP
this g****** song!"
But we couldn't....
Because we STILL didn't know...
(start singing, people!)
Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine
I heard he died, but nobody cried
Instead they all chopped off their arms!
Well, that sure makes sense, he was loved by his fans
But tell me, how did he die?
Nobody knows, they found him alone
All b***** with his arms by his side
Everybody!
I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be
Na na na, ney ney ney, nee nee nee nee
There's something wrong with this
something wrong with this...
something wrong with this...
"Chainsaw Juggler!"
"Song..."
"Song."
"Bone!"
"We gotta work on that ending"