Why Having a Beard Is Better Than Having a Woman Lyrics

A beard will never talk back
A beard is more attractive when it"s hairy and fat
A beard"ll stick by you when a woman won"t
A beard looks better with age, women don"t
You can attack your beard with a razor, it"ll keep coming back
You can stroke your beard all night, it"ll never get tired
And a beard will never up and leave you and attach itself to some other guy, no
A beard will do what you want, it will always behave
A beard will never ask you to shave
If you throw up all over your beard, your beard won"t mind
A beard won"t care if you"re s*** in the sack

And a beard will never get together with the other beards
and talk about you behind your back, oh
A beard won"t get angry, or jealous or weird
If it sees you looking at another man"s beard
A beard will never go and start having s** with some guy from her work, and then try and turn that s*** around by telling you it"s your fault "cos you never paid any attention to her feelings

A beard won"t turn and walk away
A beard will be with you all the way
I"ll take a beard over a woman any old day
I said I"ll take a beard over a woman any day