I'm in the Mood... For Beards Lyrics

Beards!

She's stretched out naked in front of me
With her finger to her lips
She beckons me to the bedroom
With a shake of her hips. She says
"baby I want your lovin'"
As she takes me by the hand
"I want you to give it to me
The way that only a bearded man can." And I say

I'm not in the mood for makin love tonight
I don't wanna lay you down beneath that candle-light
I don't wanna draw you near and hold your body tight
I've only got one thing
One thing on my mind
I'm in the mood
I'm in the mood
I'm in the mood
I'm in the mood
For beards.

She wraps her legs around me
And whispers in my ear
"I wanna feel every piece of you
Including your magnificent beard"
She kisses my lips so tenderly
But I don't even care
Cos I can't seem to get my mind
Off of my facial hair, so I say
So sick of getting offered s** everywhere I turn
Beards are all I need, when will you ladies learn, that I'm
Not in the mood for a little romance
I'm not in the mood for the no pants dance
Not in the mood for strokin'
For pink-bit pokin'
Chocolate sauce, Intercourse
Oh no, no, no no no