Liquor Saved Me From Sports Lyrics

Jim Beam, my best friend, picks me up in his truck
in the back seat, JD, my brother in law
My german penpal Helmut Jagermeister
sends me small bottles of liquor in the mail
I know I choosed the right path
so I did the math
The call will be answered
I will grow up to be a romancer

Hockey is for sissys, football for nerds
bowling for grandma and her domesticated birds
Jeff, Bobby, Matt, those fotboll a*******
I slam the door in their faces, they will only see my laces...

Chorus:
Liquor saved me from sports
I'd rather sit by the pool in my s****-stained shorts
and get f***** up...
I want to be addicted, subjected to the booze
I'd like to wake up in the morning and feel my oze
My b**** tells me she wished I would never been born
She sits at ome and mourns

Chorus:
Liquor saved me from sports
I'd rather sit by the pool in my s****-stained shorts
and get f***** up...
Baseball for machos
La Crosse for the queer
Tap dance for grandpa
and his conservative peers
I may have vomit on my clothes,
but I still know how to break some bones

Chorus:
Liquor saved me from sports
I'd rather sit by the pool in my s****-stained shorts
and get f***** up...

Bottoms up, buckle up!!! (X2)