Can't Get a Tan Lyrics

I, I can't get a tan
I'm not a man
Even though I drive a van
Still can't get a tan
I've used coco-b***er, tanning oil,
even ultra-ban
Sunlamps, microwaves, General
Electric greatest fan
Can't get a tan.

Girls like guys with dark Hawaiian skin
Hey, pass the Crisco, I'll do
anything to win.

Oh what a drag, I look like a f**
I can't get any girls though I have
hot curls

I, I just can't get a tan.
Mommy was a stripper
Daddy was a jerk
Do you know what time it is?
Oh, I'm late for work!

Oh, I've gotta get a tan!

I'm just here for the chicks
That's why I want that tan
I'm running out of licks
frying in this pan....sssssssssssss... ahhhhhhhhhhh...

Don't tell me that I'm white
I know you're tan as toast
Let's turn off the lights
Now, do I still look like a ghost?
I just can't get a tan!
Can't get a tan

He's so stupid, why doesn't he
stop to think?
He might as well forget it,
he's just turning pink!

Haven't we met before?
Oh God, whatta line.
Just forget about that tan
Gotta get back to the mine...