Well, old Virgil always was a clown,
Dumbest man in our hometown
But somehow, he got hired out at the NASA base
Then one day, against all the rules
While cleanin' up a s***e capsule
He closed the hatch and started playing 'man in s***e'
He put a s***e suit on and sat right down
Started flippin' switches and messin' around
A siren started blastin' and a green light was flashin' ready
Hoses were snappin' and gas was going whoosh
And Virgil just had to give that b***on a push
And son-of-a-gun, he was gone like Richard Petty
Vrroom, Oooh....Ma-Maaaaa!!
(Chorus)
Hello, Houston, we got a problem
Get Gladys on the phone
Somebody tell her where I'm at
And how long I'll be gone
Remind her she needs to feed my dogs
Milk the cow and slop them hogs
Hello, Houston, we got a problem
How y'all gonna git' me back home? Huh?
Well, we saw it right there on TV
My wife, my kids, the dog and me
On a broadcast from outer s***e on the evening news
Oh, Virgil wasn't havin' any fun
He'd run down the batteries in his Star Wars gun
And was turning green in various shades and hues
He said, "Boys you better get me down quick
'Cause I'm afraid I'm gonna be sick
And I don't think that I can take much more of this
Lord, all I do is float around
Half the time I think I'm upside down, ya know
I need to throw up but I don't know where up is!"
(Bridge)
Hello, Redneck One, Redneck One, this is mission control
Stand by, Virgil, we're about to execute your re-entry...
"Execute me? Lord have mercy
Couldn't you just dock me a couple of days' pay?
Ohh, here we go again!"
(Mama plays turnaround)
(Chorus)
Hello, Houston, we got a problem
I think we got a flat tire
I just looked out that little round window
And the whole capsule's afire
Everything's shakin' and burnin' hot
If you're gonna execute me, I'd just as soon be shot!
Hello, Houston we got a problem
I'm droppin' like a fallin' star
Well, give NASA credit, they got him back
And of course, he was immediately sacked
And we were all amazed at the fame Virgil's ride had brought
But ole Virgil knew just how to work it
'Cause next thing you know he's on the talk show circuit
Billin' himself as the redneck astronaut
(Chorus)
Hello, Oprah, we got a problem
Montel's on the other phone
Yeah, he wants to book me, too
So does 20/20 and Jenny Jones
Now, I'm sure that we can work it out in time
Just have your people talk to mine
Hello, Oprah, I gotta go now
Sixty Minutes is on the phone
(Recite during fade)
"Hey, Sixty Minutes, yeah! Aw, I'd love to, but you know I gotta' have that first segment- and Mike Wallace has gotta' host it! Uh-huh, well o.k. Fine then! We'll give it to Dateline. Uh-huh, what's that? Aww, well that's more like it! Yeah, well I kinda thought you'd see it my way. I mean after all, it does make sense don't it? s***e suit? Yeah, I got a s***e suit. Well, it's not a real s***e suit, but you can't tell the difference from three feet away. Gladys made it fer me. Yeah, she's got one of them sewin' machines that does all that fancy stuff."
Dumbest man in our hometown
But somehow, he got hired out at the NASA base
Then one day, against all the rules
While cleanin' up a s***e capsule
He closed the hatch and started playing 'man in s***e'
He put a s***e suit on and sat right down
Started flippin' switches and messin' around
A siren started blastin' and a green light was flashin' ready
Hoses were snappin' and gas was going whoosh
And Virgil just had to give that b***on a push
And son-of-a-gun, he was gone like Richard Petty
Vrroom, Oooh....Ma-Maaaaa!!
(Chorus)
Hello, Houston, we got a problem
Get Gladys on the phone
Somebody tell her where I'm at
And how long I'll be gone
Remind her she needs to feed my dogs
Milk the cow and slop them hogs
Hello, Houston, we got a problem
How y'all gonna git' me back home? Huh?
Well, we saw it right there on TV
My wife, my kids, the dog and me
On a broadcast from outer s***e on the evening news
Oh, Virgil wasn't havin' any fun
He'd run down the batteries in his Star Wars gun
And was turning green in various shades and hues
He said, "Boys you better get me down quick
'Cause I'm afraid I'm gonna be sick
And I don't think that I can take much more of this
Lord, all I do is float around
Half the time I think I'm upside down, ya know
I need to throw up but I don't know where up is!"
(Bridge)
Hello, Redneck One, Redneck One, this is mission control
Stand by, Virgil, we're about to execute your re-entry...
"Execute me? Lord have mercy
Couldn't you just dock me a couple of days' pay?
Ohh, here we go again!"
(Mama plays turnaround)
(Chorus)
Hello, Houston, we got a problem
I think we got a flat tire
I just looked out that little round window
And the whole capsule's afire
Everything's shakin' and burnin' hot
If you're gonna execute me, I'd just as soon be shot!
Hello, Houston we got a problem
I'm droppin' like a fallin' star
Well, give NASA credit, they got him back
And of course, he was immediately sacked
And we were all amazed at the fame Virgil's ride had brought
But ole Virgil knew just how to work it
'Cause next thing you know he's on the talk show circuit
Billin' himself as the redneck astronaut
(Chorus)
Hello, Oprah, we got a problem
Montel's on the other phone
Yeah, he wants to book me, too
So does 20/20 and Jenny Jones
Now, I'm sure that we can work it out in time
Just have your people talk to mine
Hello, Oprah, I gotta go now
Sixty Minutes is on the phone
(Recite during fade)
"Hey, Sixty Minutes, yeah! Aw, I'd love to, but you know I gotta' have that first segment- and Mike Wallace has gotta' host it! Uh-huh, well o.k. Fine then! We'll give it to Dateline. Uh-huh, what's that? Aww, well that's more like it! Yeah, well I kinda thought you'd see it my way. I mean after all, it does make sense don't it? s***e suit? Yeah, I got a s***e suit. Well, it's not a real s***e suit, but you can't tell the difference from three feet away. Gladys made it fer me. Yeah, she's got one of them sewin' machines that does all that fancy stuff."