Dudley Dorite (Of The Highway Patrol)
Chorus
Well they call him Dudley Dorite, but that's not his real name
The toughest highway cop from California to Maine
He hides back in the bushes with the latest radar
Take your picture, then he'll catch you in his modified car
His heart's hard as concrete and his blood is ice cold
He's Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol - Dudley Dorite
Recitation
Yeah He'll pull up behind you in that fast-modified car and walk up to you and hook both thumbs over that black hand-tooled leather pistol belt. Look down at you from behind them cool-hand Luke, Man with no eyes, sunglasses and say..."Clocked you back 'ar At 57 1/2 miles an hour, yeah I did. Guess you know you're in a heap o'trouble don't you boy? Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh"
Bridge
He rides a big ole Harley, got a Mustang GT
And a bell helicopter hidden in the pine trees
If he catches you for speedin', it's ten years to life
And if you protest he takes your first born child, Your house, and your wife
Recitation
You wanna let me see your license there boy? You do have a license, don't you boy? You wanna just take it out of that there wallet there for me, boy? Yeah Well, looka here what we have here?
I was down in the Southland, late for a show
Had the pedal to the metal and a long way to go
Talkin' on the CB, had my fuzz-buster on
There was not a soul in sight so I kept movin' along
Then I looked in my mirror and Lord bless my soul
There was Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol - Dudley Dorite
Recitation
Well, looky what we got here, Mr. Raymone Stevenson, Ole Ahab The Arab his own self.
You want an autograph? Huh?
Not exactly, son. My wife Ethel you do 'member Ethel don't you, boy? That shameless hussy, yeah, she was sayin' to me the other night she says "Bubba", that's right, name's Bubba, and I just happen to be the l***rous potentate of this here local shrine temple. She said "Bubba, why do you s'pose it is that that Raymone Steveson treats us so ugly on all his phonograph records?" And I said "I don't know", and I turned to my brother Clyde and his wife, sister Bertha, and they said they didn't know neither (laugh). 'Bout that time, my nephew Harv Newland come in and I sez, "Harv, have you heard that Raymone Stevenson's latest meanness on the phonograph record?" He looked up at me and said, "Yeah, I did, and Uncle Bubba how do you s'pose it is that Raymone Steveson knew I had a steeple on my barber shop?" Well, I guess you just better come along with me, boy. Ole deputy Coy's got a bone or two he'd like to pick with you his own self. (laugh) Guess ever-thing ain't so dadburned beautiful right now, is it, huh? (laugh)
Chorus
Well they call him Dudley Dorite, but that's not his real name
The toughest highway cop from California to Maine
He hides back in the bushes with the latest radar
He'll take your picture, then he'll catch you in his modified car
His heart's hard as concrete and his blood is ice cold
He's Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol - Dudley Dorite
Chorus
Well they call him Dudley Dorite, but that's not his real name
The toughest highway cop from California to Maine
He hides back in the bushes with the latest radar
Take your picture, then he'll catch you in his modified car
His heart's hard as concrete and his blood is ice cold
He's Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol - Dudley Dorite
Recitation
Yeah He'll pull up behind you in that fast-modified car and walk up to you and hook both thumbs over that black hand-tooled leather pistol belt. Look down at you from behind them cool-hand Luke, Man with no eyes, sunglasses and say..."Clocked you back 'ar At 57 1/2 miles an hour, yeah I did. Guess you know you're in a heap o'trouble don't you boy? Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh"
Bridge
He rides a big ole Harley, got a Mustang GT
And a bell helicopter hidden in the pine trees
If he catches you for speedin', it's ten years to life
And if you protest he takes your first born child, Your house, and your wife
Recitation
You wanna let me see your license there boy? You do have a license, don't you boy? You wanna just take it out of that there wallet there for me, boy? Yeah Well, looka here what we have here?
I was down in the Southland, late for a show
Had the pedal to the metal and a long way to go
Talkin' on the CB, had my fuzz-buster on
There was not a soul in sight so I kept movin' along
Then I looked in my mirror and Lord bless my soul
There was Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol - Dudley Dorite
Recitation
Well, looky what we got here, Mr. Raymone Stevenson, Ole Ahab The Arab his own self.
You want an autograph? Huh?
Not exactly, son. My wife Ethel you do 'member Ethel don't you, boy? That shameless hussy, yeah, she was sayin' to me the other night she says "Bubba", that's right, name's Bubba, and I just happen to be the l***rous potentate of this here local shrine temple. She said "Bubba, why do you s'pose it is that that Raymone Steveson treats us so ugly on all his phonograph records?" And I said "I don't know", and I turned to my brother Clyde and his wife, sister Bertha, and they said they didn't know neither (laugh). 'Bout that time, my nephew Harv Newland come in and I sez, "Harv, have you heard that Raymone Stevenson's latest meanness on the phonograph record?" He looked up at me and said, "Yeah, I did, and Uncle Bubba how do you s'pose it is that Raymone Steveson knew I had a steeple on my barber shop?" Well, I guess you just better come along with me, boy. Ole deputy Coy's got a bone or two he'd like to pick with you his own self. (laugh) Guess ever-thing ain't so dadburned beautiful right now, is it, huh? (laugh)
Chorus
Well they call him Dudley Dorite, but that's not his real name
The toughest highway cop from California to Maine
He hides back in the bushes with the latest radar
He'll take your picture, then he'll catch you in his modified car
His heart's hard as concrete and his blood is ice cold
He's Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol - Dudley Dorite