I am the very model of a modern Major-General,I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historicalFrom Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;aI'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, (bothered for a rhyme)With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,I am the very model of a modern Major-General.I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, (bothered for a rhyme)bAnd whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:cIn short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,I am the very model of a modern Major-General.In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin,dWhen such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery -In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy - (bothered for a rhyme)You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.eFor my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,I am the very model of a modern Major-General.