If you're feeling lonely and if you're feeling blue and things are at their worst/If you know your history then just what I do: Sing a song about Elizabeth the First/ Some say she was a tyrant. She was mean to all her vassals/But then hey, I wasn't there. Maybe her vassals all were a*******/And her daddy left four step moms with the women that he wedded/And he got a little paranoid and had her mom beheaded/And her cousin tried to kill her so she locked her in a garrison/It makes your folks divorce seem pretty minor by comparison/Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep/Take that crazy crown on off your head/The Spanish armada has been battled back to Spain/And now you run the middle ages from the middle of your bed/She had a lot of suitors. Lots of princes made a pass at her/I bet that once or twice she would make out with an ambassador/But the couriers and courtiers were uppity and boring/She had crushes on explorers but they always went exploring/So she never kept a king. She held her independence higher and/Her s**ual frustration, she just took it out on Ireland/Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep/Wipe that crazy frown on off your head/The Catholic insurgents are all lying in a ditch/And now you run the middle ages from the middle of your bed/And they named a colony after her/And they called it Virginia cuz she's the Virgin Queen/Which seems to me awfully personal/Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep/Wipe those crazy tears on off your head/Your poets and your pirates they all like you as a friend/And you run the middle ages from the middle of your bed