the view is always clearest before the fall. voided peace, come into focus. stammering, stumbling, mounting confusion. disbelief, desperate, disparate calls. panic unto panic. cold and shaking. glowing screen casts shadows flickering of steel blue. hopeful and afraid, shivering sweat. refusing to believe, reach out for authority. the call goes through. ringing spreads out, iron voids. clinical voice, clinical answers read from a pamphlet, the mind wanders. unable to grasp, moment slipping away. gritting teeth, clenched fists. even tones answered with the same. civility trumps denial, rage, and grief. how long have I been talking? responses flow free but halting. keep it together. last words. light another, breathe deep, pour another, repeat. light another, feel weak, pour another to feel peace. and fail.