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Sermon on the Mount (Big Nose) Lyrics

JESUS CHRIST: How blest are the sorrowful. They shall find consolation. How blest are those of gentle spirit. They shall have the earth for their possession. How blest are those who hunger and thirst to see right prevail.

RANDOM: [cough cough]
MANDY: Speak up!

MAN: Shh.

BRIAN: Quiet, Mum.

MANDY: Well, I can't hear a thing.

MANDY: Let's go t' the stoning.

MR. BIG NOSE

Shh.

BRIAN: You can go to a stoning any time.

MANDY: Oh, come on, Brian.

MR. BIG NOSE: Will you be quiet?!

MRS. BIG NOSE: Don't pick your nose.

MR. BIG NOSE: I wasn't picking my nose. I was scratching.

MRS. BIG NOSE: You was picking it, while you was talking to that lady.

MR. BIG NOSE: I wasn't!

MRS. BIG NOSE: Leave it alone. Give it a rest.

MR. CHEEKY: Do you mind? I can't hear a word he's saying.

MRS. BIG NOSE: Don't you 'do you mind' me. I was talking to my husband.

MR. CHEEKY: Well, go and talk to him somewhere else. I can't hear a b***** thing.

MR. BIG NOSE: Don't you swear at my wife.

MR. CHEEKY: I was only asking her to shut up, so I can hear what he's saying, Big Nose.

MRS. BIG NOSE: Don't you call my husband 'Big Nose'!

MR. CHEEKY: Well, he has got a big nose.

GREGORY: Could you be quiet, please?

JESUS: They shall have the earth...

GREGORY: What was that?

JESUS: ...for their possession. How blest are those...

MR. CHEEKY: I don't know. I was too busy talking to Big Nose.

JESUS: ...who hunger and thirst to see...

MAN #1: I think it was 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'

JESUS: ...right prevail.
MRS. GREGORY: Ahh, what's so special about the cheesemakers?

GREGORY: Well, obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

MR. CHEEKY: See? If you hadn't been going on, we'd have heard that, Big Nose.

JESUS: How blest are those who...

MR. BIG NOSE: Hey. Say that once more; I'll smash your b***** face in.

MRS. GREGORY: Ohh.

MR. CHEEKY: Better keep listening. Might be a bit about 'Blessed are the big noses.'

BRIAN: Oh, lay off him.

MR. CHEEKY: Oh, you're not so bad yourself, Conkface. Where are you two from? Nose City?

MR. BIG NOSE: One more time, mate; I'll take you to the f*****' cleaners!

MRS. BIG NOSE: Language!

JESUS: ...hunger and thirst to see...

MRS. BIG NOSE: And don't pick your nose.

JESUS: ...right prevail.

MR. BIG NOSE: I wasn't going to pick my nose. I was going to thump him!

MAN #2: You hear that? Blessed are the Greek.

GREGORY: The Greek?

MAN #2: Mmm. Well, apparently, he's going to inherit the earth.

GREGORY: Did anyone catch his name?

MRS. BIG NOSE: You're not going to thump anybody.

MR. BIG NOSE: I'll thump him if he calls me 'Big Nose' again.
MR. CHEEKY: Oh, shut up, Big Nose.

MR. BIG NOSE: Ah! All right. I warned you. I really will slug you so hard--

MRS. BIG NOSE: Oh, it's the meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I'm glad they're getting something, 'cause they have a hell of a time.

MR. CHEEKY: Listen. I'm only telling the truth. You have got a very big nose.

MR. BIG NOSE: Hey. Your nose is going to be three foot wide across your face by the time I've finished with you!

MAN #1 and

MAN #2: Shhh.

MR. CHEEKY: Well, who hit yours, then? Goliath's big brother?

MR. BIG NOSE: Oh. Right. That's your last warning.

MRS. GREGORY: Oh, do pipe down.

[MR. BIG NOSE slugs MRS. GREGORY]

Oh!

[MR. BIG NOSE and GREGORY fight]

GREGORY: Oh!

MRS. GREGORY: Awa?

MR. BIG NOSE: Silly b****. Get in the way on me?...

MRS. GREGORY: Ow!...

MR. BIG NOSE: Break it up-- oh. Oh!

MANDY: Oh, come on. Let's go to the stoning.

BRIAN: All right.

[music]

FRANCIS: Well, blessed is just about everyone with a vested interest in the status quo, as far as I can tell, Reg.

REG: Yeah. Well, what Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem.

JUDITH: Yes, yes. Absolutely, Reg. Yes, I see.

MANDY: Oh, come on, Brian, or they'll have stoned him before we get there.

BRIAN: All right.

MR. CHEEKY: Hey. Get off her. That's disgusting. Stop trying to do that. Hey, officer, intervene here. Attempted rape going on. It's the chap with the big nose's fault. He started it all.
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Monty Python's Life of Brian (2006)
Introduction Brian Song The Wise Men at the Manger Brian Song, Part 2 Sermon on the Mount (Big Nose) Stone Salesman Stoning Ex-Leper You Mean You Were Raped? (Nortius Maximus) Link to Revolutionaries in the Amphitheatre (Loretta) Revolutionaries in the Amphitheatre (Loretta) Romans Go Home What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us? Ben Brian Before Pilate (Throw Him to the Floor) Prophets Beard Salesman Brian's Prophecy The Hermit He's Not the Messiah He's a Very Naughty Boy Pilate Sentences Brian Nisus Wettus Pilate With the Crowd (Welease Wodger) Nisus Wettus With the Gaolers Release Brian Not So Bad Once You're Up Revs Salute Brian Cheeky Is Released Mandy to Her Son Look on the Bright Side of Life (All Things Dull and Ugly)