Thank you thank you thank you. Alright this uh, theatre was built in 1925 and the f****** insulation says so. It's very cold upstairs. Is it cold in here? No, there's a lot of people. You put a bunch of people together together, and it's like two-thousand years.
Okay, I got uh, I got some moniters THANK GOD, because last night I didn't them and I was telling jokes, and I had no idea what joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice.... I even said that one twice.
God d*** I've got to follow Stephen Lynch. What the f***? That's a hard act to follow, right? Yeah. I'm f****** scared man. I'm s... you guys are.. -Whistle from the audience- Shut up! That was the longest whistle I've ever heard. -More whistles- Alright, don't show off. Are you whistling with your fingers? -Another whistle- Yep, I.... -more whistles- Come on! I didn't say everyone whistle with their fingers! I asked a f****** question! I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
Okay... Stephen Lynch is a hard act to follow. I'm a hard act to follow too, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.
Oh they've got lights on, you see all them lights up there? Blue and white, those are the comedy lights. You don't know what would happen if those blue lights weren't there. This s*** would not be funny. You don't know how important blue lights are. They f****** don't get any credit.
So I'm on a theatre tour. You know what that means. Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the preformer. Not on this tour, and that sucks, because brick walls make you funny. Bricks make you f****** funny. When I'm infront of a fireplace, I am hilarious. So I've got to deal with the black curtain. Well you know what? I like to f*** with the spotlight opperators. I like to see how good they are, and this dude is all right. I think there's two though, is there two spotlight opperators? -answer of no from the audience- Alight... Howcome you're answering? You just took a look behind your head? Behind your head? That makes no sense! Oh yes it does... It means over there! That was f****** white!
This stage needs to be buffed.
I got two stools incase I want to sit down, and then sit down again on something else. This is a high tech looking stool, oh my God! That might be a drill. I'm not sure. Look at this f****** thing right here, that thing is scary. It's like an instrument in the African Jungle. It's got metal on it though, it's kind of post modern.
Hey, but look what I got here! I have a jack that goes no where. I can plug this in and see what the f*** happens. Let me put it in my mouth. No.. No...
Oh my god, I've got a Stephen Lynch pick up here, oh yeah! Some girl's going to be happy. And that would be me.
-More whistling-
You guys like to whistle around here, I see that. Chicago is windy and whistley.
Okay, I got uh, I got some moniters THANK GOD, because last night I didn't them and I was telling jokes, and I had no idea what joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice.... I even said that one twice.
God d*** I've got to follow Stephen Lynch. What the f***? That's a hard act to follow, right? Yeah. I'm f****** scared man. I'm s... you guys are.. -Whistle from the audience- Shut up! That was the longest whistle I've ever heard. -More whistles- Alright, don't show off. Are you whistling with your fingers? -Another whistle- Yep, I.... -more whistles- Come on! I didn't say everyone whistle with their fingers! I asked a f****** question! I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
Okay... Stephen Lynch is a hard act to follow. I'm a hard act to follow too, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.
Oh they've got lights on, you see all them lights up there? Blue and white, those are the comedy lights. You don't know what would happen if those blue lights weren't there. This s*** would not be funny. You don't know how important blue lights are. They f****** don't get any credit.
So I'm on a theatre tour. You know what that means. Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the preformer. Not on this tour, and that sucks, because brick walls make you funny. Bricks make you f****** funny. When I'm infront of a fireplace, I am hilarious. So I've got to deal with the black curtain. Well you know what? I like to f*** with the spotlight opperators. I like to see how good they are, and this dude is all right. I think there's two though, is there two spotlight opperators? -answer of no from the audience- Alight... Howcome you're answering? You just took a look behind your head? Behind your head? That makes no sense! Oh yes it does... It means over there! That was f****** white!
This stage needs to be buffed.
I got two stools incase I want to sit down, and then sit down again on something else. This is a high tech looking stool, oh my God! That might be a drill. I'm not sure. Look at this f****** thing right here, that thing is scary. It's like an instrument in the African Jungle. It's got metal on it though, it's kind of post modern.
Hey, but look what I got here! I have a jack that goes no where. I can plug this in and see what the f*** happens. Let me put it in my mouth. No.. No...
Oh my god, I've got a Stephen Lynch pick up here, oh yeah! Some girl's going to be happy. And that would be me.
-More whistling-
You guys like to whistle around here, I see that. Chicago is windy and whistley.