Tonight will be the last night of my record-breakingly successful run in the lead role of the greatest play of the century. Unprecedentedly warm praise from critics and public alike has met my portrayal of a man at his desk who gives a d***. "Oh, oh, oh, if I could only see the clear blue sky from my office window, then oh, oh, it would only take a steel grey day and I'd take my bow." And I'd like to thank all my friends and fans for always pushing me to soldier on. So one last time (for the cameras) my greatest soliloquy: "Oh, oh, oh, if I could only see the clear blue sky from my office window, then oh, oh, it would only take a steel grey day and I'd take my bow." To whom it may concern: I'd like to nominate myself to receive an award as a small symbol of recognition for my body of work - a lifetime of selling my body to pay the bills. But my heart and my mind are mine, mine, you will not win this war - this is just a battle. Oh, oh, oh, well I've surrendered you my physical attendance here, but no, no, no, you will not take my soul - lest we forget why I'm sitting here. My letter to the human resources department says "You started a war so you'll get what you started." I'm only working here because I need the f****** money.