Well here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.
Never interfere in a boy-and-girl fight.
Beware of w****s who say they don't want money.
The hell they don't.
What they mean is they want more money. Much more.
If you're doing business with a religious s*************,
Get it in writing.
His word isn't worth s***.
Not with the good lord telling him how to f*** you on the deal.
Words of advice for young people.
If after having been exposed to someone's presence
You feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma,
Avoid that presence.
You need it like you need pernicious anemia.
Don't like to hear the word vampire around here.
Trying to improve our public image.
Build up a kindly, avuncular, benevolent image.
Interdependence is the key word.
Enlightened interdependence.
Life in all it's rich variety.
Take a little, leave a little.
However, by the inexorable logistics of the vampiric pyrosis
They always take more than they need.
Now some of you may encounter the Devil's Bargain,
If you get that far.
Any old soul is worth saving,
At least to a priest,
But not every soul is worth buying.
So you can take the offer as a compliment.
He tries the easy ones first.
You know like money,
All the money there is.
Yeah, but who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetery?
Money won't buy.
Not much left to spend it on, eh gramps?
Getting too old to cut the mustard.
Well time hits the hardest blows,
Especially below the belt.
How's a young body grab you?
Like three card monte, like pea under the shell,
Now you see it, now you don't.
Haven't you forgotten something, gramps?
In order to feel something,
You have to be there.
You have to be eighteen.
You're not eighteen.
You are seventy-eight.
Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.
Words of advice for young people.
Never interfere in a boy-and-girl fight.
Beware of w****s who say they don't want money.
The hell they don't.
What they mean is they want more money. Much more.
If you're doing business with a religious s*************,
Get it in writing.
His word isn't worth s***.
Not with the good lord telling him how to f*** you on the deal.
Words of advice for young people.
If after having been exposed to someone's presence
You feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma,
Avoid that presence.
You need it like you need pernicious anemia.
Don't like to hear the word vampire around here.
Trying to improve our public image.
Build up a kindly, avuncular, benevolent image.
Interdependence is the key word.
Enlightened interdependence.
Life in all it's rich variety.
Take a little, leave a little.
However, by the inexorable logistics of the vampiric pyrosis
They always take more than they need.
Now some of you may encounter the Devil's Bargain,
If you get that far.
Any old soul is worth saving,
At least to a priest,
But not every soul is worth buying.
So you can take the offer as a compliment.
He tries the easy ones first.
You know like money,
All the money there is.
Yeah, but who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetery?
Money won't buy.
Not much left to spend it on, eh gramps?
Getting too old to cut the mustard.
Well time hits the hardest blows,
Especially below the belt.
How's a young body grab you?
Like three card monte, like pea under the shell,
Now you see it, now you don't.
Haven't you forgotten something, gramps?
In order to feel something,
You have to be there.
You have to be eighteen.
You're not eighteen.
You are seventy-eight.
Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.
Words of advice for young people.