The pubs are closed, it's p****** down and the street lights just went out and your tripping over pot holes sticking up out of the ground
You called the cab an hour ago but still it hasn't come you can never find a taxi when you need one.
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one find one (not f****** likely)
It's only when your nearly home you ever f****** see one but you can never find a taxi when you need one
So you start to walk through wind and rain to find your on way home, but you get bashed and kicked and mugged and robbed and left there on your own, then cops turn up and knock you off for being f****** drunk,
you can never find a copper when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (hello d*** head)
It's only when your in the s*** you ever f****** see one
you can never find a copper when you need one
Or you try to do the right thing and go camping with the kids, to show 'em all about the bush and teach them things you did, but thirty tourist coaches turn up full of japs and yanks
you can never find a crocodile when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (yummy yummy yummy)
the b******s all went swimming to but f***** if I could see one
you can never find a crocodile when you need one
The kids have lost you tent and torch and all the stuff you took, then they pinch your matches light a fire and burn down half the bush.
Then one gets crook and one gets lost, the other wants his mum
you can never find a dingo when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (howl)
It's times like these you wish to christ you could f****** be one
you can never find a dingo when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (the dingos got my esky)
cabs and cops and crocodiles and even f****** dingo's
You can never find the b******s when you need one
You called the cab an hour ago but still it hasn't come you can never find a taxi when you need one.
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one find one (not f****** likely)
It's only when your nearly home you ever f****** see one but you can never find a taxi when you need one
So you start to walk through wind and rain to find your on way home, but you get bashed and kicked and mugged and robbed and left there on your own, then cops turn up and knock you off for being f****** drunk,
you can never find a copper when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (hello d*** head)
It's only when your in the s*** you ever f****** see one
you can never find a copper when you need one
Or you try to do the right thing and go camping with the kids, to show 'em all about the bush and teach them things you did, but thirty tourist coaches turn up full of japs and yanks
you can never find a crocodile when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (yummy yummy yummy)
the b******s all went swimming to but f***** if I could see one
you can never find a crocodile when you need one
The kids have lost you tent and torch and all the stuff you took, then they pinch your matches light a fire and burn down half the bush.
Then one gets crook and one gets lost, the other wants his mum
you can never find a dingo when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (howl)
It's times like these you wish to christ you could f****** be one
you can never find a dingo when you need one
You can never find the b******s when you need one
need one see one (the dingos got my esky)
cabs and cops and crocodiles and even f****** dingo's
You can never find the b******s when you need one