The Handyman's Lament Lyrics

When I drop a plate, I sweep the shards of glass into the trash
When I pop an E string, I can change a new one in a flash
But when you break, I'm stuck without a clue
I never learned to fix a thing like you
When the server's down, you sudo /sbin/reboot in a shell
When the market tanks, you call a broker, tell him "sell sell sell"
But when you're down, I don't know what to do
I never learned to fix a thing like you

I'll lend an ear
To find out what I need to repair
But I will try and dry your eyes and fix the scattered parts
Yeah, I will learn to mend your troubled heart
When I cut my hand, I grab the Neosporin from the shelf
When I stub my toe, I curse in flowing verses to myself
But when you hurt, I'm stuck without a clue
I never learned to fix a thing like you

When a faucet leaks, I tighten up the gasket with a wrench
When a toilet's stuck, I plunge it down before the floor is drenched
But when you cry, I don't know what to do
I never learned to fix a thing like you
[Chorus]

I know, I'm slow
I've got so much to learn
But you'll see, I'll be
The place that you can turn

[Chorus x 2]