Me And My Automobile
I don't know a thing about an automobile
I can crank up the motor; I can turn the wheel
So if you see a pile, and the pile won't go
And somebody standing by the side of the road....
That'll be me .... That'll be me and my automobile
I called for a tow and they hauled me in
To an old grease monkey they did highly recommend
The monkey said "Man, there ain't nothin' to it.
A new RGB-409-62 with a rapid-trans-6 modified flatulator oughta do it."
Well, the brand-new part made it run like new
For about 3 blocks, till the engine blew
I called Triple-A - they towed me again
The monkey said "Man...I can't believe it happened again!
You shoulda told me that car was a double-aught 9
And not a pre-'97 triple-aught-5
You must be outta your mind!
'Cause every time I put an
RGB-409-62 with a rapid-trans-6 modified flatulator
in a car like yours - It overheats the
tripe-throttle knucklehead bilge-cam
Cuttin' off the spam-fluid coolant, of course
On top of that, your rear-view aberrator's loose,
You're looking stressed-out, so I suggest you get a horse!"
So I bought me a book - called "Fix It Yourself"
Rolled the car in the shade - got some tools off the shelf
"If your P-line's clogged and all caked with goo
Find the Q-shaped hole - usually marked 0-892
Insert your smallest fingertip - and twist it till it hurts
And noxious fluid runs over your face in maddening little spurts
Place a left-hand Pinkle-tube - where your finger was
Until you hear a sound - might be like a whir or a buzz
I did everything it said - and crawled from under the car
There were wires and hoses and various parts
scattered near and far
But she purred when she started - I didn't dare thank my luck
There was smoke and flame, a grinding noise ---
And then never to feel the open road again.....
The engine blew up.
Well, I threw in the towel and said I'm just gonna walk
When a buddy said why - don't you call up
Click and Clack on "Car Talk"?
With nothin' left to lose - and grease in my eye
I crawled to the phone - for one last try.....
It may have been the full moon - or maybe it was fate
But they took my call - I didn't even have to wait
I told them my problem - and all I'd been through
And they said, "You drive a what?" "You took it to who?"
"You did what?" "For three bucks you coulda had your
Little sister put the part in for you... Get a horse, man!"
CHORUS
...If you see a pile and it's going real slow
And a horse and a wagon in the middle of the road
That'll be me....
I don't know a thing about an automobile
I can crank up the motor; I can turn the wheel
So if you see a pile, and the pile won't go
And somebody standing by the side of the road....
That'll be me .... That'll be me and my automobile
I called for a tow and they hauled me in
To an old grease monkey they did highly recommend
The monkey said "Man, there ain't nothin' to it.
A new RGB-409-62 with a rapid-trans-6 modified flatulator oughta do it."
Well, the brand-new part made it run like new
For about 3 blocks, till the engine blew
I called Triple-A - they towed me again
The monkey said "Man...I can't believe it happened again!
You shoulda told me that car was a double-aught 9
And not a pre-'97 triple-aught-5
You must be outta your mind!
'Cause every time I put an
RGB-409-62 with a rapid-trans-6 modified flatulator
in a car like yours - It overheats the
tripe-throttle knucklehead bilge-cam
Cuttin' off the spam-fluid coolant, of course
On top of that, your rear-view aberrator's loose,
You're looking stressed-out, so I suggest you get a horse!"
So I bought me a book - called "Fix It Yourself"
Rolled the car in the shade - got some tools off the shelf
"If your P-line's clogged and all caked with goo
Find the Q-shaped hole - usually marked 0-892
Insert your smallest fingertip - and twist it till it hurts
And noxious fluid runs over your face in maddening little spurts
Place a left-hand Pinkle-tube - where your finger was
Until you hear a sound - might be like a whir or a buzz
I did everything it said - and crawled from under the car
There were wires and hoses and various parts
scattered near and far
But she purred when she started - I didn't dare thank my luck
There was smoke and flame, a grinding noise ---
And then never to feel the open road again.....
The engine blew up.
Well, I threw in the towel and said I'm just gonna walk
When a buddy said why - don't you call up
Click and Clack on "Car Talk"?
With nothin' left to lose - and grease in my eye
I crawled to the phone - for one last try.....
It may have been the full moon - or maybe it was fate
But they took my call - I didn't even have to wait
I told them my problem - and all I'd been through
And they said, "You drive a what?" "You took it to who?"
"You did what?" "For three bucks you coulda had your
Little sister put the part in for you... Get a horse, man!"
CHORUS
...If you see a pile and it's going real slow
And a horse and a wagon in the middle of the road
That'll be me....