My footsteps are light as I walk down the creaky stairs but my head is heavy and my heart slows with every beat I know I must get out of my apartment before the tears start to fall, my headphones echo the broken hearts of others who must have been on similar walks at one time or another...the parks are sedate and the swings sway in the summer breeze now is not their time...I said i would always be there for you and I meant it, you letting go was never part of the plan we would hold on and get through this world togehter. There was no one like us and even though our lives didn't always intertwine I knew somewhere someone understood...now just because you found a new peace doesn't mean I'm not still here listening...where were you when I needed someone to talk me out of it...I just wanted someone to listen and hug me friendship thicker than blood, I miss you so much...I try to accept it and smile for you remembering when we would spend all night in shopping center parking lots sitting on curbs you trying to quit smoking and me swearing to you I would never start, I told you all of my troubles and deep inside I knew no one was like you, you would tell me about your life at home and how you had to get away, chemicals that held you closer than I could but I never let ayone know I defended you until the end, even when the phone rand and that pause hung in the air like a weight I could never hold up I knew you were not weak you just had enough...I didn't sleep for days I just sat awake shaking and remembering all the nights we talked about it, the way the parking lot lights shined in your black hair, your eye make up smearing on my shoulder, the taste of your lips so we could just think for awhile but the tears always came back one of us just couldn't hold it together but we were together until the sun came up and you had to sneak back into your bed...please come and kiss my dreams...I still remember the smell of your breath and the taste of your tears and the sound of our voices when we said it would be alright...a thousand apologies and a thousand more thoughts of dying I really wish I could make you understand that if I could do it all differently I would and you would come out on top...if only I knew numbers, take four today it will help slow me down enough to see it through I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry...I remember the last time we talked you told me if I listened closely I could hear angels dreaming, I listen and I miss you...I listen and I miss you.