The Night I Punched Russell Crowe Lyrics

Here's a little story about someone that you know
He was a right famous fella by the name of Russell Crowe
I was workin' at a pub and he was smokin' at the bar
And that's a crime, as you all know, in Cal-if-orn-i-a
So I sidled up the rail, right to where he stood
Said, "Sorry, Mr. Crowe", as nicely as I could,
"You'll have to put that out now, throw it on the floor
And if you don't, I'll kick you out and show you to the door"

He squared right up to me, somewhat in surprise
Then he narrowed up his gaze, shot me daggers with his eyes
"If you think you're man enough, go ahead" he said
I was scared for me life, so I dawked him in the head
(Chorus)
The closest I've come to ending up dead,
Was the night that I punched Russell Crowe,
'The Gladiator,' in the head.

He lifted up his hands, put them to his nose
Blood was running through his fingers dripping on his clothes
His body guards ran up, "Get him" shouted Crowe
"Run", cried Chucky, "Run and don't stop until you get to Mexico"
(Reprise)
You can't hit me I'm the Cinderella Man,
I'm the Master and Commander, I'm Australian
You can't hit me, don't you know I'm dangerous
I'm the outlaw Ben Wade...I AM MAXIMUS!