The Elephant Lyrics

A elephant's life is tedious, laborious and slow
I've been an elephant all me life so I blooming well ought to know.

He never forgets a name or face ooooh!
He knows his way from place to place ooooh!
Remembers to be dutiful
And when to push and when to pull
An when he's dead the dealer calls
And buys his tusks for billiard b**** ooooh!
And all because an elephant's got a perfect memory.
That wasn't the life for me!

So I'm suffering form amnesia
My mind's a perfect blank!
Now life is very much easier
Amnesia's to thank;
I'm being psychoanalysed,
I lie on a divan
And flap me ears and try to look a barmy as I can!

I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac,
And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home
Till I get me memory back!
I'm suffering from Hysteria,
I nearly split me sides,
To watch the others get wearier
of giving children rides;
I've told my psychoanalyst
that I'm a sacred cow
I'd like to carry a Howdah
but I can't remember how.

I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac,
And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home
Till I get me memory back!
I suffer from Schizophrenia
It comes on me in spells
Sometimes I'm King of Armenia
At others I'm Orson Welles.
I tell them I'm Napoleon
and all that sort of bunk
They never guess that all the time
I'm laughing up me trunk!

I'm an Introverted Elephocentric Hypochondriac,
And I'll stick in the Elephants' nursing home
Till I get me memory back!
Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum!
Practising me trumpet half the night,
Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum!
And I'll stick in the Elephants' nursing home
Till I get me memory, get me memory, get me memory back!