FIRST VOICE
Syrup is sold in the post-office. A car drives to market,
full of fowls and a farmer. Milk-churns stand at Coronation
Corner like short silver policemen. And, sitting at the
open window of Schooner House, blind Captain Cat hears all
the morning of the town.
[School bell in background.
Children's voices. The noise of
children's feet on the cobbles]
CAPTAIN CAT (Softly, to himself)
Maggie Richards, Ricky Rhys, Tommy Powell, our Sal, little
Gerwain, Billy Swansea with the dog's voice, one of Mr
Waldo's, nasty Humphrey, Jackie with the sniff....Where's
d***y's Albie? and the boys from Ty-pant? Perhaps they got
the rash again.
[A sudden cry among the children's voices]
CAPTAIN CAT
Somebody's**** Maggie Richards. Two to one it's Billy Swansea.
Never trust a boy who barks.
[A burst of yelping crying]
Right again! It's Billy.
FIRST VOICE
And the children's voices cry away.
[Postman's rat-a-tat on door, distant]
CAPTAIN CAT (Softly, to himself)
That's w**** Nilly knocking at Bay View. Rat-a-tat, very
soft. The knocker's got a kid glove on. Who's sent a letter
to Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard?
[Rat-a-tat, distant again
CAPTAIN CAT
Careful now, she swabs the front glassy. Every step's like
a bar of soap. Mind your size twelveses. That old Bessie
would beeswax the lawn to make the birds slip.
w**** NILLY
Morning, Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard.
MRS OGMORE -PRITCHARD
Good morning, postman.
w**** NILLY
Here's a letter for you with stamped and addressed envelope
enclosed, all the way from Builth Wells. A gentleman wants
to study birds and can he have accommodation for two weeks
and a bath vegetarian.
MRS OGMORE-PRITCHARD
No.
w**** NILLY (Persuasively)
You wouldn't know he was in the house, Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard.
He'd be out in the mornings at the bang of dawn with his bag
of breadcrumbs and his little telescope...
MRS OGMORE-PRITCHARD
And come home at all hours covered with feathers. I don't
want persons in my nice clean rooms breathing all over the
chairs...
w**** NILLY
Cross my heart, he won't breathe.
MRS OGMORE-PRITCHARD
...and putting their feet on my carpets and sneezing on my
china and sleeping in my sheets...
w**** NILLY
He only wants a single bed, Mrs Ogmore. Pritchard.
[Door slams]
CAPTAIN CAT (Softly)
And back she goes to the kitchen to polish the potatoes.
FIRST VOICE
Captain Cat hears w**** Nilly's feet heavy on the distant
cobbles.
CAPTAIN CAT
One, two, three, four, five...That's Mrs Rose Cottage.
What's to-day? To-day she gets the letter from her sister
in Gorslas. How's the twins' teeth?
He's stopping at School House.
w**** NILLY
Morning, Mrs Pugh. Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard won't have a
gentleman in from Builth Wells because he'll sleep in her
sheets, Mrs Rose Cottage's sister in Gorslas's twins have
got to have them out...
MRS PUGH
Give me the parcel.
w**** NILLY
It's for Mr Pugh, Mrs Pugh.
MRS PUGH
Never you mind. What's inside it?
w**** NILLY
A book called Lives of the Great Poisoners.
CAPTAIN CAT
That's Manchester House.
w**** NILLY
Morning, Mr Edwards. Very small news. Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard
won't have birds in the house, and Mr Pugh's bought a book
now on how to do in Mrs Pugh.
MR EDWARDS
Have you got a letter from her?
w**** NILLY
Miss Price loves you with all her heart. Smelling of lavender
to-day. She's down to the last of the elderflower wine but
the quince jam's bearing up and she's knitting roses on the
doilies. Last week she sold three jars of boiled sweets,
pound of humbugs, half a box of jellybabies and six coloured
photos of Llaregyb. Yours for ever. Then twenty-one X's.
MR EDWARDS
Oh, w**** Nilly, she's a ruby! Here's my letter. Put it
into her hands now.
[Slow feet on cobbles, quicker feet approaching]
CAPTAIN CAT
Mr Waldo hurrying to the Sailors Arms. Pint of stout with
a egg in it. [Footsteps stop]
(Softly) There's a letter for him.
w**** NILLY
It's another paternity summons, Mr Waldo.
FIRST VOICE
The quick footsteps hurry on along the cobbles and up
three steps to the Sailors Arms.
MR WALDO (Calling out)
Quick, Sinbad. Pint of stout. And no egg in.
FIRST VOICE
People are moving now up and down the cobbled street.
CAPTAIN CAT
All the women are out this morning, in the sun. You can
tell it's Spring. There goes Mrs Cherry, you can tell her
by her trotters, off she trots new as a daisy. Who's that
talking by the pump? Mrs Floyd and Boyo, talking flatfish.
What can you talk about flatfish? That's Mrs Dai Bread
One, waltzing up the street like a jelly, every time she
shakes it's slap slap slap. Who's that? Mrs Butcher Beynon
with her pet black cat, it follows her everywhere, miaow
and all. There goes Mrs Twenty-Three, important, the sun
gets up and goes down in her dewlap, when she shuts her
eyes, it's night. High heels now, in the morning too, Mrs
Rose Cottage's eldest Mae, seventeen and never been kissed
ho ho, going young and milking under my window to the
field with the nannygoats, she reminds me all the way.
Can't hear what the women are gabbing round the pump. Same
as ever. Who's having a baby, who blacked whose eye, seen
Polly Garter giving her belly an airing, there should be
a law, seen Mrs Beynon's new mauve jumper, it's her old
grey jumper dyed, who's dead, who's dying, there's a
lovely day, oh the cost of soapflakes!
[Organ music, distant]
CAPTAIN CAT
Organ Morgan's at it early. You can tell it's Spring.
FIRST VOICE
And he hears the noise of milk-cans.
CAPTAIN CAT
Ocky Milkman on his round. I will say this, his milk's as
fresh as the dew. Half dew it is. Snuffle on, Ocky,
watering the town...Somebody's coming. Now the voices
round the pump can see somebody coming. Hush, there's a
hush! You can tell by the noise of the hush, it's Polly
Garter. (Louder) Hullo, Polly, who's there?
POLLY GARTER (Off)
Me, love.
CAPTAIN CAT
That's Polly Garter. (Softly) Hullo, Polly my love, can
you hear the dumb goose-hiss of the wives as they huddle
and peck or flounce at a waddle away? Who cuddled you
when? Which of their pandering hubbies moaned in Milk Wood
for your naughty mothering arms and body like a wardrobe,
love? Scrub the floors of the Welfare Hall for the
Mothers' Union Social Dance, you're one mother won't
wriggle her roly poly b** or pat her fat little b***ery
feet in that wedding-ringed holy to-night though the
waltzing breadwinners s*****ed from the cosy smoke of the
Sailors Arms will grizzle and mope.
[A c*** crows]
CAPTAIN CAT
Too late, c***, too late
SECOND VOICE
for the town's half over with its morning. The morning's
busy as bees.
[Organ music fades into silence]
FIRST VOICE
There's the clip clop of horses on the sunhoneyed cobbles
of the humming streets, hammering of horse- shoes, gobble
quack and cackle, tomtit twitter from the bird-ounced
boughs, braying on Donkey Down. Bread is baking, pigs are
grunting, chop goes the butcher, milk-churns bell, tills
ring, sheep cough, dogs shout, saws sing. Oh, the Spring
whinny and morning moo from the clog dancing farms, the
gulls' gab and rabble on the boat-bobbing river and sea
and the c***les bubbling in the sand, scamper of
sanderlings, curlew cry, crow caw, pigeon coo, clock
strike, bull bellow, and the ragged gabble of the
beargarden school as the women scratch and babble in Mrs
Organ Morgan's general shop where everything is sold:
custard, buckets, henna, rat-traps, shrimp-nets, sugar,
stamps, confetti, paraffin, hatchets, whistles.
FIRST WOMAN
Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard
SECOND WOMAN
la di da
FIRST WOMAN
got a man in Builth Wells
THIRD WOMAN
and he got a little telescope to look at birds
SECOND WOMAN
w**** Nilly said
THIRD WOMAN
Remember her first husband? He didn't need a telescope
FIRST WOMAN
he looked at them undressing through the keyhole
THIRD WOMAN
and he used to shout Tallyho
SECOND WOMAN
but Mr Ogmore was a proper gentleman
FIRST WOMAN
even though he hanged his collie.
THIRD WOMAN
Seen Mrs Butcher Beynon?
SECOND WOMAN
she said Butcher Beynon put dogs in the mincer
FIRST WOMAN
go on, he's pulling her leg
THIRD WOMAN
now don't you dare tell her that, there's a dear
SECOND WOMAN
or she'll think he's trying to pull it off and eat it,
FOURTH WOMAN
There's a nasty lot live here when you come to think.
FIRST WOMAN
Look at that Nogood Boyo now
SECOND WOMAN
too lazy to wipe his snout
THIRD WOMAN
and going out fishing every day and all he ever brought
back was a Mrs Samuels
FIRST WOMAN
been in the water a week.
SECOND WOMAN
And look at Ocky Milkman's wife that nobody's ever seen
FIRST WOMAN
he keeps her in the cupboard with the empties
THIRD WOMAN
and think of Dai Bread with two wives
SECOND WOMAN
one for the daytime one for the night.
FOURTH WOMAN
Men are brutes on the quiet.
THIRD WOMAN
And how's Organ Morgan, Mrs Morgan?
FIRST WOMAN
you look dead beat
SECOND WOMAN
it's organ organ all the time with him
THIRD WOMAN
up every night until midnight playing the organ.
MRS ORGAN MORGAN
Oh, I'm a martyr to music.
Syrup is sold in the post-office. A car drives to market,
full of fowls and a farmer. Milk-churns stand at Coronation
Corner like short silver policemen. And, sitting at the
open window of Schooner House, blind Captain Cat hears all
the morning of the town.
[School bell in background.
Children's voices. The noise of
children's feet on the cobbles]
CAPTAIN CAT (Softly, to himself)
Maggie Richards, Ricky Rhys, Tommy Powell, our Sal, little
Gerwain, Billy Swansea with the dog's voice, one of Mr
Waldo's, nasty Humphrey, Jackie with the sniff....Where's
d***y's Albie? and the boys from Ty-pant? Perhaps they got
the rash again.
[A sudden cry among the children's voices]
CAPTAIN CAT
Somebody's**** Maggie Richards. Two to one it's Billy Swansea.
Never trust a boy who barks.
[A burst of yelping crying]
Right again! It's Billy.
FIRST VOICE
And the children's voices cry away.
[Postman's rat-a-tat on door, distant]
CAPTAIN CAT (Softly, to himself)
That's w**** Nilly knocking at Bay View. Rat-a-tat, very
soft. The knocker's got a kid glove on. Who's sent a letter
to Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard?
[Rat-a-tat, distant again
CAPTAIN CAT
Careful now, she swabs the front glassy. Every step's like
a bar of soap. Mind your size twelveses. That old Bessie
would beeswax the lawn to make the birds slip.
w**** NILLY
Morning, Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard.
MRS OGMORE -PRITCHARD
Good morning, postman.
w**** NILLY
Here's a letter for you with stamped and addressed envelope
enclosed, all the way from Builth Wells. A gentleman wants
to study birds and can he have accommodation for two weeks
and a bath vegetarian.
MRS OGMORE-PRITCHARD
No.
w**** NILLY (Persuasively)
You wouldn't know he was in the house, Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard.
He'd be out in the mornings at the bang of dawn with his bag
of breadcrumbs and his little telescope...
MRS OGMORE-PRITCHARD
And come home at all hours covered with feathers. I don't
want persons in my nice clean rooms breathing all over the
chairs...
w**** NILLY
Cross my heart, he won't breathe.
MRS OGMORE-PRITCHARD
...and putting their feet on my carpets and sneezing on my
china and sleeping in my sheets...
w**** NILLY
He only wants a single bed, Mrs Ogmore. Pritchard.
[Door slams]
CAPTAIN CAT (Softly)
And back she goes to the kitchen to polish the potatoes.
FIRST VOICE
Captain Cat hears w**** Nilly's feet heavy on the distant
cobbles.
CAPTAIN CAT
One, two, three, four, five...That's Mrs Rose Cottage.
What's to-day? To-day she gets the letter from her sister
in Gorslas. How's the twins' teeth?
He's stopping at School House.
w**** NILLY
Morning, Mrs Pugh. Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard won't have a
gentleman in from Builth Wells because he'll sleep in her
sheets, Mrs Rose Cottage's sister in Gorslas's twins have
got to have them out...
MRS PUGH
Give me the parcel.
w**** NILLY
It's for Mr Pugh, Mrs Pugh.
MRS PUGH
Never you mind. What's inside it?
w**** NILLY
A book called Lives of the Great Poisoners.
CAPTAIN CAT
That's Manchester House.
w**** NILLY
Morning, Mr Edwards. Very small news. Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard
won't have birds in the house, and Mr Pugh's bought a book
now on how to do in Mrs Pugh.
MR EDWARDS
Have you got a letter from her?
w**** NILLY
Miss Price loves you with all her heart. Smelling of lavender
to-day. She's down to the last of the elderflower wine but
the quince jam's bearing up and she's knitting roses on the
doilies. Last week she sold three jars of boiled sweets,
pound of humbugs, half a box of jellybabies and six coloured
photos of Llaregyb. Yours for ever. Then twenty-one X's.
MR EDWARDS
Oh, w**** Nilly, she's a ruby! Here's my letter. Put it
into her hands now.
[Slow feet on cobbles, quicker feet approaching]
CAPTAIN CAT
Mr Waldo hurrying to the Sailors Arms. Pint of stout with
a egg in it. [Footsteps stop]
(Softly) There's a letter for him.
w**** NILLY
It's another paternity summons, Mr Waldo.
FIRST VOICE
The quick footsteps hurry on along the cobbles and up
three steps to the Sailors Arms.
MR WALDO (Calling out)
Quick, Sinbad. Pint of stout. And no egg in.
FIRST VOICE
People are moving now up and down the cobbled street.
CAPTAIN CAT
All the women are out this morning, in the sun. You can
tell it's Spring. There goes Mrs Cherry, you can tell her
by her trotters, off she trots new as a daisy. Who's that
talking by the pump? Mrs Floyd and Boyo, talking flatfish.
What can you talk about flatfish? That's Mrs Dai Bread
One, waltzing up the street like a jelly, every time she
shakes it's slap slap slap. Who's that? Mrs Butcher Beynon
with her pet black cat, it follows her everywhere, miaow
and all. There goes Mrs Twenty-Three, important, the sun
gets up and goes down in her dewlap, when she shuts her
eyes, it's night. High heels now, in the morning too, Mrs
Rose Cottage's eldest Mae, seventeen and never been kissed
ho ho, going young and milking under my window to the
field with the nannygoats, she reminds me all the way.
Can't hear what the women are gabbing round the pump. Same
as ever. Who's having a baby, who blacked whose eye, seen
Polly Garter giving her belly an airing, there should be
a law, seen Mrs Beynon's new mauve jumper, it's her old
grey jumper dyed, who's dead, who's dying, there's a
lovely day, oh the cost of soapflakes!
[Organ music, distant]
CAPTAIN CAT
Organ Morgan's at it early. You can tell it's Spring.
FIRST VOICE
And he hears the noise of milk-cans.
CAPTAIN CAT
Ocky Milkman on his round. I will say this, his milk's as
fresh as the dew. Half dew it is. Snuffle on, Ocky,
watering the town...Somebody's coming. Now the voices
round the pump can see somebody coming. Hush, there's a
hush! You can tell by the noise of the hush, it's Polly
Garter. (Louder) Hullo, Polly, who's there?
POLLY GARTER (Off)
Me, love.
CAPTAIN CAT
That's Polly Garter. (Softly) Hullo, Polly my love, can
you hear the dumb goose-hiss of the wives as they huddle
and peck or flounce at a waddle away? Who cuddled you
when? Which of their pandering hubbies moaned in Milk Wood
for your naughty mothering arms and body like a wardrobe,
love? Scrub the floors of the Welfare Hall for the
Mothers' Union Social Dance, you're one mother won't
wriggle her roly poly b** or pat her fat little b***ery
feet in that wedding-ringed holy to-night though the
waltzing breadwinners s*****ed from the cosy smoke of the
Sailors Arms will grizzle and mope.
[A c*** crows]
CAPTAIN CAT
Too late, c***, too late
SECOND VOICE
for the town's half over with its morning. The morning's
busy as bees.
[Organ music fades into silence]
FIRST VOICE
There's the clip clop of horses on the sunhoneyed cobbles
of the humming streets, hammering of horse- shoes, gobble
quack and cackle, tomtit twitter from the bird-ounced
boughs, braying on Donkey Down. Bread is baking, pigs are
grunting, chop goes the butcher, milk-churns bell, tills
ring, sheep cough, dogs shout, saws sing. Oh, the Spring
whinny and morning moo from the clog dancing farms, the
gulls' gab and rabble on the boat-bobbing river and sea
and the c***les bubbling in the sand, scamper of
sanderlings, curlew cry, crow caw, pigeon coo, clock
strike, bull bellow, and the ragged gabble of the
beargarden school as the women scratch and babble in Mrs
Organ Morgan's general shop where everything is sold:
custard, buckets, henna, rat-traps, shrimp-nets, sugar,
stamps, confetti, paraffin, hatchets, whistles.
FIRST WOMAN
Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard
SECOND WOMAN
la di da
FIRST WOMAN
got a man in Builth Wells
THIRD WOMAN
and he got a little telescope to look at birds
SECOND WOMAN
w**** Nilly said
THIRD WOMAN
Remember her first husband? He didn't need a telescope
FIRST WOMAN
he looked at them undressing through the keyhole
THIRD WOMAN
and he used to shout Tallyho
SECOND WOMAN
but Mr Ogmore was a proper gentleman
FIRST WOMAN
even though he hanged his collie.
THIRD WOMAN
Seen Mrs Butcher Beynon?
SECOND WOMAN
she said Butcher Beynon put dogs in the mincer
FIRST WOMAN
go on, he's pulling her leg
THIRD WOMAN
now don't you dare tell her that, there's a dear
SECOND WOMAN
or she'll think he's trying to pull it off and eat it,
FOURTH WOMAN
There's a nasty lot live here when you come to think.
FIRST WOMAN
Look at that Nogood Boyo now
SECOND WOMAN
too lazy to wipe his snout
THIRD WOMAN
and going out fishing every day and all he ever brought
back was a Mrs Samuels
FIRST WOMAN
been in the water a week.
SECOND WOMAN
And look at Ocky Milkman's wife that nobody's ever seen
FIRST WOMAN
he keeps her in the cupboard with the empties
THIRD WOMAN
and think of Dai Bread with two wives
SECOND WOMAN
one for the daytime one for the night.
FOURTH WOMAN
Men are brutes on the quiet.
THIRD WOMAN
And how's Organ Morgan, Mrs Morgan?
FIRST WOMAN
you look dead beat
SECOND WOMAN
it's organ organ all the time with him
THIRD WOMAN
up every night until midnight playing the organ.
MRS ORGAN MORGAN
Oh, I'm a martyr to music.