Announcer: "We interrupt this record for an important new bulletin'!!! Santa Claus is missing from the North Pole!!"
Dispatcher Voice: "Be on the lookout for Santa Claus, last seen..."
Lee Dorsey's "Ya Ya" - "Sitting here la-la waiting for my Ya Ya"
Announcer: "Washington has decided this is a job for 'The Touchables'."
d***ie: "December 1961, at the headquarters of Elliot Press and 'The Touchables'."
Sung: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la."
d***ie: "Sent to the North Pole 'The Touchables" learn that someone has launched a toy s***eship, sending Santa to the moon. Alvin' the Chipmunk said":
[Chipmunk] Crazy
d***ie: "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer volunteered to lead 'The Touchables' to the rescue. A new s***eship is ready for blastoff"
Mission Control: "T-minus...three...two...one...zero."
Chipmunks "Chipmunk Song" - "OK Alvin'...Alvin'...ALVIN!!! OK!!
[Rocket SFX]
d***ie: "Successfully landing on the moon, Rudolph and 'The Touchables' are surrounded by the Moon Men."
Dion & The Belmonts "Runaround Sue" - "Hey, hey ooohhhh hey..."
d***ie: "The leader of the Moon Men approaches Elliot Press and says":
Marcels "Heartaches" - "Yip yip yip yip werp-a-werp werp mumm a mumm mumm bohp-a bohp"
d***ie: "Which translated means":
Ray Charles "Hit The Road Jack" - "Hit the road Jack and don'tcha come back no more"
d***ie: "But 'The Touchables' are not leaving without Santa Claus."
[Machine gun and s***e gun SFX]
d***ie: "After a brief battle Elliot Press looks off and says":
Fats Domino "What A Party" - "I'll be back on my feet someday!"
d***ie: Meanwhile, Rudolph secretly leads Santa Claus to the s***eship. Out of gas 'The Touchables' harness Rudolph to the ship, and away they go!"
Marcels "Heartaches" - "Watch out! Here we go again."
[Slide whistle going up SFX]
d***ie: "A job well done. Elliot Press and 'The Touchables' turn to each other and say":
Sung: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la."
Announcer: "If you should look up in the sky this Christmas Eve and see a reindeer pulling a s***eship...chances are it's Santa Claus."
Moon Man: "Merry Christmas Earth People! [echoes]"
Dispatcher Voice: "Be on the lookout for Santa Claus, last seen..."
Lee Dorsey's "Ya Ya" - "Sitting here la-la waiting for my Ya Ya"
Announcer: "Washington has decided this is a job for 'The Touchables'."
d***ie: "December 1961, at the headquarters of Elliot Press and 'The Touchables'."
Sung: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la."
d***ie: "Sent to the North Pole 'The Touchables" learn that someone has launched a toy s***eship, sending Santa to the moon. Alvin' the Chipmunk said":
[Chipmunk] Crazy
d***ie: "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer volunteered to lead 'The Touchables' to the rescue. A new s***eship is ready for blastoff"
Mission Control: "T-minus...three...two...one...zero."
Chipmunks "Chipmunk Song" - "OK Alvin'...Alvin'...ALVIN!!! OK!!
[Rocket SFX]
d***ie: "Successfully landing on the moon, Rudolph and 'The Touchables' are surrounded by the Moon Men."
Dion & The Belmonts "Runaround Sue" - "Hey, hey ooohhhh hey..."
d***ie: "The leader of the Moon Men approaches Elliot Press and says":
Marcels "Heartaches" - "Yip yip yip yip werp-a-werp werp mumm a mumm mumm bohp-a bohp"
d***ie: "Which translated means":
Ray Charles "Hit The Road Jack" - "Hit the road Jack and don'tcha come back no more"
d***ie: "But 'The Touchables' are not leaving without Santa Claus."
[Machine gun and s***e gun SFX]
d***ie: "After a brief battle Elliot Press looks off and says":
Fats Domino "What A Party" - "I'll be back on my feet someday!"
d***ie: Meanwhile, Rudolph secretly leads Santa Claus to the s***eship. Out of gas 'The Touchables' harness Rudolph to the ship, and away they go!"
Marcels "Heartaches" - "Watch out! Here we go again."
[Slide whistle going up SFX]
d***ie: "A job well done. Elliot Press and 'The Touchables' turn to each other and say":
Sung: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la."
Announcer: "If you should look up in the sky this Christmas Eve and see a reindeer pulling a s***eship...chances are it's Santa Claus."
Moon Man: "Merry Christmas Earth People! [echoes]"