Hard for a 'Tard Lyrics

Well, I guess I probably f***** about a million girls
And if half of them were women, I'd s*** a string of pearls
Still, I guess that most of them were usually men...
Society makes a man mouth-f*** his best friend
Hard for a 'tard
I saw her in the yard
Walking after kitty, she stepped in a t***
Hard for a 'tard
Got her in my car
Slipped into her tard-hole, she didn't say a word...

f****** this r*****ed chick at the end of the block
She gets confused by the smell of air
But the s** is fantastic so I just don't care
Something about this r***** gets me hard as a rock
She gets lost falling down the stairs
But she sure knows her way around my pubic hairs
Hard for a 'tard
Her brain is deeply scarred
Throwing rocks at Kitty, she's eating a t***
Hard for a 'tard
Get in the f****** car
r*****ed chicks should be f***** and not heard

Now her hot r***** p**** always there for the taking
You know she won a Golden Globe, you know she could be faking
And still the quest for Oscar gold we are together making
As my lumpy p****-pie her vagi-stove is baking
I'm in love with a girl that's f****** r*****ed
The only time she made a sound was when her p**** farted
But it gets better and I'm telling ya how...
I found her medicare checks and I'm cashing them now...

Hard for a 'tard
My perfect putt was parred
Kitty is becoming a t***
Hard for a 'tard
The t*** is in a jar
r*****s and old people need some c*** too...

Hard for a 'tard x4

r*****ed chicks should be f***** and not heard