[Parody of "As Tears Go By" by The Rolling Stones]
I used to come here everyday (I'll have the usual, Uh, Make it a triple), And to the porcelain god I'd pray (Oh, Dear God, Please not again!),
I was b***-faced constantly, That was the life for me, Now, I sit and watch as beers go by, (Uh, Could I get another Club Soda, Please?),
My newfound lifestyle really stinks (Hey, You know what? Make it a Shirley Temple instead), I only order virgin drinks (Miss, You think you could do this without the umbrellas?),
And I really miss the sound of throwing up and falling down, I sit and watch as beers go by.
(You know, My lawyer says in a few months my insurance will go down, You know, Which is kinda nice, And, You know I am saving a lot of money,
And on top of that, I haven't woken up with an ugly woman in like eight months. Kind of a nice benefit, you know? So I got a lot going for me now, I think, you know?),
I miss the things I used to do, I miss my brew, I sit watch as beers go by.
(Man you used to be a lot of fun. What happened? Nothing happened, Why don't you go bug somebody else, OK?).
I used to come here everyday (I'll have the usual, Uh, Make it a triple), And to the porcelain god I'd pray (Oh, Dear God, Please not again!),
I was b***-faced constantly, That was the life for me, Now, I sit and watch as beers go by, (Uh, Could I get another Club Soda, Please?),
My newfound lifestyle really stinks (Hey, You know what? Make it a Shirley Temple instead), I only order virgin drinks (Miss, You think you could do this without the umbrellas?),
And I really miss the sound of throwing up and falling down, I sit and watch as beers go by.
(You know, My lawyer says in a few months my insurance will go down, You know, Which is kinda nice, And, You know I am saving a lot of money,
And on top of that, I haven't woken up with an ugly woman in like eight months. Kind of a nice benefit, you know? So I got a lot going for me now, I think, you know?),
I miss the things I used to do, I miss my brew, I sit watch as beers go by.
(Man you used to be a lot of fun. What happened? Nothing happened, Why don't you go bug somebody else, OK?).