Its Christmas Eve
I'm on the forecourt
To buy a present
From the Wild Bean Café
Theres packs of cigarettes
Theres packs of moist towelettes
Theres Dan Brown audio cassettes
And sacks of charcoal briquettes
Where the f*** have you been?
I've been waiting for hours
Oh, don't be so cross, look,
I brought you some flowers
These flowers are dead,
And there from our front lawn
I also bought Twiglets, a torch and some p***
You're an ungrateful b******
For pulling this stunt
You k*******, You s***bag
Insufferable c***!
At least I don't need tweezers
To handle my p****
Stick the torch up your a***
Make this Christmas our last
And everywhere around the world
From here to Galway Bay
There are couples splitting up
On Christmas Day
I'm on the forecourt
To buy a present
From the Wild Bean Café
Theres packs of cigarettes
Theres packs of moist towelettes
Theres Dan Brown audio cassettes
And sacks of charcoal briquettes
Where the f*** have you been?
I've been waiting for hours
Oh, don't be so cross, look,
I brought you some flowers
These flowers are dead,
And there from our front lawn
I also bought Twiglets, a torch and some p***
You're an ungrateful b******
For pulling this stunt
You k*******, You s***bag
Insufferable c***!
At least I don't need tweezers
To handle my p****
Stick the torch up your a***
Make this Christmas our last
And everywhere around the world
From here to Galway Bay
There are couples splitting up
On Christmas Day