As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door, where my old horse should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But b***ons on a blanket, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed, where my old boots should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns those boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
They're two lovely geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But laces in geranium pots, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed, where my old head should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on, sure I never saw before.
And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon her b****** where my old hands should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them hands upon your b****** where my old hands should be
Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before
As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a thing in her thing where my old thing should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that thing in your thing where my old thing should be
Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before
Alternative last line:
But a condom on a tin whistle sure I never saw before
Alternative last verse:
Now when I came home on Sunday night,
a little after three.
I saw a man running out the door
with his pants about his knee.
So I called to my wife and I said to her:
would you kindly tell to me,
who was that man running out the door
with his pants about his knee?
Oh you're drunk, you're drunk,
you silly old fool, and still you cannot see,
Twas nothing but the tax collector the Queen sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more,
But an Englishman that could last 'till three I never saw before.
or
As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a thing within a thing where my old thing should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that thing within a thing where my old thing should be
Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see
That's a lovely rolling-pin that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a rolling pin with b**** upon sure I never saw before
or
As i came home on a sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I found a lump beneath the sheets where my own lump should be
so i call me wife and i said to her: will you kindly tell to me,
whose lump is that beneath the sheets where my own lump should be.
aah ya drunk ya drunk ya silly old fool still you cannot see.
that's a big ol hammer that me mother sent to me.
well its many a day ive travelled a hundred miles or more
but a hammer with a condom on ive never seen before
or
a condom on a hammer sure i never saw before
or
Now when I came home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a man run out the door as naked as could be.
So I called to my wife and I said to her, Would you kindly tell to me,
Who was that man come out the door with those great big hair knees?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, and still you can not see.
That's just the tax collector, who was sent to service me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a tax collector satisfied I never saw before.
I saw a horse outside the door, where my old horse should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But b***ons on a blanket, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed, where my old boots should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns those boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
They're two lovely geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But laces in geranium pots, sure I never saw before.
As I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed, where my old head should be
So I called me wife, the curse of me life, will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be.
Ay you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool
As drunk as drunk can be
That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on, sure I never saw before.
And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon her b****** where my old hands should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them hands upon your b****** where my old hands should be
Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before
As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a thing in her thing where my old thing should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that thing in your thing where my old thing should be
Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before
Alternative last line:
But a condom on a tin whistle sure I never saw before
Alternative last verse:
Now when I came home on Sunday night,
a little after three.
I saw a man running out the door
with his pants about his knee.
So I called to my wife and I said to her:
would you kindly tell to me,
who was that man running out the door
with his pants about his knee?
Oh you're drunk, you're drunk,
you silly old fool, and still you cannot see,
Twas nothing but the tax collector the Queen sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled, a hundred miles or more,
But an Englishman that could last 'till three I never saw before.
or
As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a thing within a thing where my old thing should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that thing within a thing where my old thing should be
Ah, you're drunk,
you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see
That's a lovely rolling-pin that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a rolling pin with b**** upon sure I never saw before
or
As i came home on a sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I found a lump beneath the sheets where my own lump should be
so i call me wife and i said to her: will you kindly tell to me,
whose lump is that beneath the sheets where my own lump should be.
aah ya drunk ya drunk ya silly old fool still you cannot see.
that's a big ol hammer that me mother sent to me.
well its many a day ive travelled a hundred miles or more
but a hammer with a condom on ive never seen before
or
a condom on a hammer sure i never saw before
or
Now when I came home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a man run out the door as naked as could be.
So I called to my wife and I said to her, Would you kindly tell to me,
Who was that man come out the door with those great big hair knees?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, and still you can not see.
That's just the tax collector, who was sent to service me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a tax collector satisfied I never saw before.