Jerk Lyrics

i am a jerk
oh, i say things that jerks say
and i do things that jerks do
i play games that only jerks play
it's just the jerk's way
i start out like this on monday
and if you catch me on sunday
i'm mellowing out and getting ready for the next weekly wave
you can't change me now
35 years of vim and vigor
you can't change me now
16 spent calming itchy triggers
you can't change me now
well, my hair got gone as my head got bigger

i am a jerk
yeah, i want things my own way
it's been like that since my first birthday
my first cake was a twinkie
my first word was lame, i'm a jerk
i'm ungrateful and selfish
loving me must be hellish
if every inch that you give me a yard comes away
you can't change me now
35 years of p*** and spittle
you can't change me now
six years of beatdowns for playing fiddle
you can't change me now
well my heart got hard as my bones got brittle

still i kiss every baby
i make time for every dog
i give advice when they ask me
link my friends on my blog
i give my seat to old ladies
and take the outside of the sidewalk
yeah, i kiss every baby
i make time for every dog
i am a jerk
but lots of you seem to like me
and my family keeps trying
even though i was born spitting mad vitriol i'm a jerk
i never asked for the t**le
but some among us who are spiteful
may whisper that i'm not a creature that you wanna know

you can't change me now
35 years of pock-faced jingles
you can't change me now
all this, and ladies, the boy's still single
you can't change me now....