257
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:31,500
Earlier than that, the Crusades -
totally f*****.
258
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,500
Richard the Lionheart, who had
the heart of a lion, as well as his own.
259
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,400
He ripped it out of the lion
260
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,300
and the lion was left with
a bicycle pump and not much to do.
261
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:45,000
''l'm a bit p***** off,'' he's going.
262
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:48,600
And the idea was
if you get stabbed through the heart,
263
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:53,200
he's still got his lion heart going
and that way he could live longer...
264
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,400
They didn't believe me.
265
00:17:56,500 --> 00:18:00,700
But they went down to get
the Muslims out of Jerusalem, l think,
266
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:05,300
and they hacked them, ''l kill you
in the name of Jesus,'' but the Muslims,
267
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:09,000
''No. Jesus is a prophet in our religion.
We kill you in the name of Jesus.''
268
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:10,600
''Do you?
269
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,000
''l didn't know that.
270
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,600
''Jesus in your...?
Right. l kill you for your dark skin.
271
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:20,900
''Jesus was a white man from Oxford.''
''No, he wasn't.
272
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:27,600
''He b***** was not. He's from Judea,
dark-skinned man such as we.''
273
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,300
''Really?
274
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,200
''Look, we've come all this way.
275
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,800
''Would you mind awfully
if we hacked you to pieces?
276
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,100
''Just for the press back home.''
277
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:47,000
A lot of battles happened that way.
278
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,200
Alexander the Great,
steaming through Persia,
279
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,900
took out Darius lll,
as we all know, then...
280
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,000
- ran on... What?
- (Voice from audience)
281
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,900
Who? Just shut up, will you?
282
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000
( Applause and whooping)
283
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:07,500
l know one or two people
have heckled but l will kill you.
284
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,900
lf it's in the middle of a flow.
285
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,900
What was l saying?
286
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:15,900
Alexander. Steaming on,
after a while his army's going,
287
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:19,200
''Hang on, Alex,
l think we've lost them.
288
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,500
''l don't know where we live any more
289
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,800
''and we've killed
most of the people we've met.
290
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,500
''So would you
just like to chill out?''
291
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:32,900
Alex is going, ''Look, l'm 32, l'm gay,
l'm on a roll, let's go.'' ''On you go.''
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:31,500
Earlier than that, the Crusades -
totally f*****.
258
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,500
Richard the Lionheart, who had
the heart of a lion, as well as his own.
259
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,400
He ripped it out of the lion
260
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,300
and the lion was left with
a bicycle pump and not much to do.
261
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:45,000
''l'm a bit p***** off,'' he's going.
262
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:48,600
And the idea was
if you get stabbed through the heart,
263
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:53,200
he's still got his lion heart going
and that way he could live longer...
264
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,400
They didn't believe me.
265
00:17:56,500 --> 00:18:00,700
But they went down to get
the Muslims out of Jerusalem, l think,
266
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:05,300
and they hacked them, ''l kill you
in the name of Jesus,'' but the Muslims,
267
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:09,000
''No. Jesus is a prophet in our religion.
We kill you in the name of Jesus.''
268
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:10,600
''Do you?
269
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,000
''l didn't know that.
270
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,600
''Jesus in your...?
Right. l kill you for your dark skin.
271
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:20,900
''Jesus was a white man from Oxford.''
''No, he wasn't.
272
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:27,600
''He b***** was not. He's from Judea,
dark-skinned man such as we.''
273
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,300
''Really?
274
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,200
''Look, we've come all this way.
275
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,800
''Would you mind awfully
if we hacked you to pieces?
276
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,100
''Just for the press back home.''
277
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:47,000
A lot of battles happened that way.
278
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,200
Alexander the Great,
steaming through Persia,
279
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,900
took out Darius lll,
as we all know, then...
280
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,000
- ran on... What?
- (Voice from audience)
281
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,900
Who? Just shut up, will you?
282
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000
( Applause and whooping)
283
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:07,500
l know one or two people
have heckled but l will kill you.
284
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,900
lf it's in the middle of a flow.
285
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,900
What was l saying?
286
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:15,900
Alexander. Steaming on,
after a while his army's going,
287
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:19,200
''Hang on, Alex,
l think we've lost them.
288
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,500
''l don't know where we live any more
289
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,800
''and we've killed
most of the people we've met.
290
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,500
''So would you
just like to chill out?''
291
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:32,900
Alex is going, ''Look, l'm 32, l'm gay,
l'm on a roll, let's go.'' ''On you go.''