I HAD TO GO SEE ALICE
Well I was knockin' down walls with a rhythm stick
That was hardern' Chinese arithmetic
'til this deflated condition started keepin' me down at nights
Now like ol' Papa Goose I was a proper gander
'til I just couldn't rise to my usual standards
I was still in the runnin' but I just wasn't hittin' the heights
Doc said its somethin' that I oughta address
But it really wasn't nothin' that should cause distress
Probably workin' too hard, happens to us all once or twice
You're grey at the temples, carryin' excess baggage
better cut out the corned beef and kick up the cabbage
if you know what's good for ya, better take ol' doc's advice
I had to go see Alice
to cure what's ailin' me
A little bit of elation
via v*****vation
when the factory features starts to failin' me
So I tried to time it all just right, and by about 7:30 on date night
I was well on my way an' I was feelin' it comin' on fast
When my baby called up and she broke our date
She said 'I'm real sorry honey, but I gotta work late'
and I was standin' there salutin' a flag about three-quarter staff
I tried to watch the news in this altered state
but I kept gettin' hung up on Nancy Grace
an' I thought, 'Holy Mackeral, this must be some powerful stuff!'
So I grabbed the remote and commenced to clickin'
Doin' all I could do to keep from chokin' that chicken
When I passed that infomercial 'bout firmin' up your hips, thighs, and b***
I had to go see Alice
she always reassures me
for just a little advancement
a little andro-enhancement
to remove any doubts 'bout your masculinity
Add a little zest to your funfest
a little boost to your roost
back at the love nest
I had to go see Alice
She's changed my life you see
Threw away my pinups, now she can do chin-ups
put a whole new slant on the frolic and festivities
When what you need to improve on is gettin' your groove on
it ain't no fallicy
But if that tower o' power lasts more'n four hours
better hit the ER and turn off the TV
Well I was knockin' down walls with a rhythm stick
That was hardern' Chinese arithmetic
'til this deflated condition started keepin' me down at nights
Now like ol' Papa Goose I was a proper gander
'til I just couldn't rise to my usual standards
I was still in the runnin' but I just wasn't hittin' the heights
Doc said its somethin' that I oughta address
But it really wasn't nothin' that should cause distress
Probably workin' too hard, happens to us all once or twice
You're grey at the temples, carryin' excess baggage
better cut out the corned beef and kick up the cabbage
if you know what's good for ya, better take ol' doc's advice
I had to go see Alice
to cure what's ailin' me
A little bit of elation
via v*****vation
when the factory features starts to failin' me
So I tried to time it all just right, and by about 7:30 on date night
I was well on my way an' I was feelin' it comin' on fast
When my baby called up and she broke our date
She said 'I'm real sorry honey, but I gotta work late'
and I was standin' there salutin' a flag about three-quarter staff
I tried to watch the news in this altered state
but I kept gettin' hung up on Nancy Grace
an' I thought, 'Holy Mackeral, this must be some powerful stuff!'
So I grabbed the remote and commenced to clickin'
Doin' all I could do to keep from chokin' that chicken
When I passed that infomercial 'bout firmin' up your hips, thighs, and b***
I had to go see Alice
she always reassures me
for just a little advancement
a little andro-enhancement
to remove any doubts 'bout your masculinity
Add a little zest to your funfest
a little boost to your roost
back at the love nest
I had to go see Alice
She's changed my life you see
Threw away my pinups, now she can do chin-ups
put a whole new slant on the frolic and festivities
When what you need to improve on is gettin' your groove on
it ain't no fallicy
But if that tower o' power lasts more'n four hours
better hit the ER and turn off the TV